The Final Fall of Man: The 499-Minute Configuration Edition

In the 39th Century, great men and women of the human race strode among the stars. And the crew of the Astro Tramp 400 were also there.

Six untrained civilians. Two seasoned officers and two radically unspaceworthy scientists.

One mad alien inventor.

And six hundred and twenty-eight clone crewmen with severe intelligence-formatting errors.

Eejit is the first tale of The Final Fall of Man, a science-fiction story about – among other things – the human race and how we either won or lost it, depending on your point of view.

This special 499-Minute Configuration Edition of the book is a re-release of the original story, with some minor text errors fixed and a smooth silky new hardcover, for collectors who definitely exist and are real.

Get it here!

Eejit does not have any of the stuff I was talking about in my last post, since this whole thing was a beta trial by Amazon and I was not allowed to talk about it, and I just went with a simple setup. There is no reason the rest of the books in the series can’t have any or even all of the special edition extras discussed previously. Or something else entirely!

Drop a comment, let me know.

I’m very excited to finally see hardcovers available that really work. Okay, sure, they might not be quite as schmancy as the dust-jacketed cloth-bound fuckers I nearly made with whatever site it was, but those were way too complex. And these, I have to say, look great.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy. https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
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34 Responses to The Final Fall of Man: The 499-Minute Configuration Edition

  1. Hatboy says:

    Sadly there is a page limit to the hardcovers, so I won’t be able to make special editions of Oræl Rides to War or the anthologies.

  2. We can discuss this but I demand an author signature and a special note. One that looks nice. Perhaps with a tiered effect.

    • Hatboy says:

      Ah! Well Amazon is still making them so unless I add a JPG of a signature in there (which is doable but…), that’s still not going to be possible. I could add it, but Eejit is already live so I’d need to pull it and then re-release.

      I don’t know what you’re talking about with that last set of instructions, unless of course you also want me to demolish the largest starship in Six Species space with a herring?

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        It’s doable if I’m willing to pay for it to be shipped to you, and then you to me, and the cost of the book. Which I’m hinting I am.

        With your last comments I’m starting to wonder if your mother is a hamster or your father smelt of elderberries. Certainly I’m not thinking you are an English pig-dog….

      • Hatboy says:

        Well if you did that, you’d get not just an autograph, but a drunken-scrawled message and a bookmark made out of a colostomy bag.

      • Hatboy says:

        * an empty colostomy bag.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        An UNUSED and empty colostomy bag? I mean there are better ways to give me your DNA bruh.

        Right now, trying to think how much it would all cost, if better to wait until we can travel, etc. If we would be able to travel anytime in the next year or 2 and so on.

        What do you think the double shipping would cost?

      • Hatboy says:

        I have no clue. Finnish post is being an absolute fucker right now, at least they’re not shipping to Australia, I haven’t asked about the US. But a set of 8 books would cost a solid hundred, I’d say, quite easily. That’s from here to there. Don’t know about there to here of course.

        It’s a work in progress. Getting my cheap author copies and sending them to you direct is probably the easiest way, but right now the hardcovers are having a really bad time with any kind of shipping. Also I only have one and a half hardcover books ready right now.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        So I was just talking about Eejit, but it seems we’d have to wait anyway. Perhaps waiting for all the books in hardcover is best, I don’t know. I’d definitely be willing to pay 2 x $100 for that, although if we’re waiting “that long” it probably would make more sense just to wait until we can physically meet.

      • Hatboy says:

        I wanna see what the whole set looks like before I look at getting super-special signed ones for my crew. Eejit alone should be reasonably cheap and easy.

      • Hatboy says:

        Empty, yes. Unused by me, yes.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        The lack of humor in this response makes me worry I hurt your feelings somehow. I hope not!

      • Hatboy says:

        Bwaahahahaha no! I was just continuing the weird colostopromise.

      • Hatboy says:

        I mean, you were meant to say “unused by you but used by someone else?”

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Ahh shit, sorry. Just got mind blown by house we’re going to see tomorrow, no brains left. All over wall behind me.

  3. Damon Holston says:

    I started this last Thursday when I was home sick and then forgot to finish it. Enjoy.

    Speaking of getting together….

    Please note i just had my second vaccine shot yesterday and am a little delirious.

    Cromcon 1 (The Truck Stops Here): in Detroit of course

    Schedule:

    Meet and greet 9am

    Ildarminars:

    Cratch & Release 10am

    Boning in the Bone Yards 11am

    Big Thundering Bjorn (Bathroom break) 10 minutes

    Lunch provided by Astro Tramp 12pm

    Do You Know Where Pendraegg Went? No, Zee’gone 1pm

    Greyblade the Gay Blade? 2pm

    Big Shooey (Bathroom break) 20 minutes

    Arts and Crafts: How to Modify Yourself in the Blaren Way 3pm

    Clowning Around with Bunzo 4pm

    Board games: Z-Lin “Clue” 5pm

    Mercy, Mercy, Me? 6pm

    Final Feast. 7pm
    Wine provided by Crom and Greyblade
    Dessert provided by Zoogo Zaroy

    After meal fun:
    Phobe-ia (Pub-style trivia)pm

    Concert featuring music by the “Vulture” Club

    My work here is done

    • Hatboy says:

      This is just … amazing. I’m going to have to just bask in it for a while. Hold please.

    • Hatboy says:

      I started this last Thursday when I was home sick and then forgot to finish it. Enjoy.

      Speaking of getting together….

      Please note i just had my second vaccine shot yesterday and am a little delirious.

      Congratulations! I am genuinely pleased to see that while the US may have screwed the pooch on a lot of things, you sure did get the elbows in and get vaccines for yourselves while the getting was good. Wait that sounds bitter, am I mad that the EU is very, very slightly less selfish and way worse at organising? Oh well, I’ll take it. Glad you got your shots! For reals.

      Cromcon 1 (The Truck Stops Here): in Detroit of course

      Ohhhhh, perfection. It has to be added that there was a Bring An Eejit convention in 2014 with the release of the book, so while purists might consider that the first true meeting, it certainly wasn’t a Çromcom. It did have original cast members in cosplay, though!

      Schedule:

      Meet and greet 9am

      Ildarminars:

      Cratch & Release 10am

      Hee hee, with anecdotal support from Sally-Forth-Fully-Armed. She nose things.

      Boning in the Bone Yards 11am

      Big Thundering Bjorn (Bathroom break) 10 minutes

      Note to self: Start using that one in daily life.

      Lunch provided by Astro Tramp 12pm

      Eggs, corn, some chicken…

      Do You Know Where Pendraegg Went? No, Zee’gone 1pm

      Greyblade the Gay Blade? 2pm

      Big Shooey (Bathroom break) 20 minutes

      Bwaaaaaahahahaha

      Arts and Crafts: How to Modify Yourself in the Blaren Way 3pm

      Clowning Around with Bunzo 4pm

      Both of these have me in a cold sweat for the health and safety aspects.

      Board games: Z-Lin “Clue” 5pm

      It was Glomulus Cratch, in the transpersion core, with … *checks* … with the transpersion core.

      Mercy, Mercy, Me? 6pm

      Final Feast. 7pm
      Wine provided by Crom and Greyblade

      Glorious.

      Dessert provided by Zoogo Zaroy

      *shamelessly squees*

      After meal fun:
      Phobe-ia (Pub-style trivia)pm

      Concert featuring music by the “Vulture” Club

      When they tell you it’s closing time, you’d best believe them.

      My work here is done

      Fucking Hell, man. What a way to start the day. That was epic. I salute you.

  4. Damon Holston says:

    Trivia is hosted by the Riddlespawn of course

    • Hatboy says:

      Trivia is hosted by the Riddlespawn of course

      That is vaguely horrifying but I’m on board. I can see one striding out of nowhere and taking a place at the podium.

  5. Damon says:

    Yeah, vaccines are nice to have access to though it is hard not to feel guilty about how difficult they are to get almost everywhere else, not to mention even here where we have too many doses we can’t vaccinate equitably. Not everyone is able to drive an hour on short notice when a shot becomes available. I will be officially clear as of the 28th of April and can hang out with my brother and his family again. YAY!

    Being naturally disposed to puns already the post-shot flu-like symptoms really shook something loose and I was desperate to commit them to the comments before I passed out. I made it about halfway and came back to it yesterday. I don’t think I was reading your blog back in 2014 so wouldn’t have been aware of Bring an Eejit. Good name though.

    There were almost certainly more bumping around in my head that I forgot while feeling ill, so stay tuned for random urverse puns. Plus there should probably be a second day anywho. Why only spend one day in Detroit? Maybe pony rides, but with Flesh Eaters instead?

    It was really fun to write this and your approval is appreciated. I couldn’t try these out on my wife because she hasn’t read most of the books and is sick enough of my puns by now.

  6. Damon says:

    I like it!
    Space pirates and their space weasels can lay in ambush.

  7. Damon Holston says:

    He obviously reads the blog and bought it for the captured space pirates. Duh.

  8. Damon Holston says:

    Oh yeah. Hi Aaron😂

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