Hatboy’s Triangle of Undiagnosed-General-Sadness-Avoidance

Today I thought I’d share a little theory with you. I call it … you already saw the title of the blog post, that’s it, that’s what I call it.

Okay, alright. I give you: Hatboy’s Triangle of Undiagnosed-General-Sadness-Avoidance.

Ta da.

This extremely fucking basic self-care triangle is based loosely on the “fast / cheap / good; pick two” business model. But the variables are writing / clean / happy exercise chemicals. And you don’t just pick two. Here’s how it breaks down (and I hopefully avoid doing the same).

  • Writing: This one’s pretty self-explanatory. There’s a reason breathing isn’t on this triangle but writing is.
  • Clean: This is a pretty basic one. I have a lot of hair and I poop into a bag glued to my abdomen. As long as I shampoo and comb the hair (with the invaluable and loving assistance of Mrs. Hatboy) on a weekly basis, and wash the actual literal shit off my stomach daily, I’m good.
  • Happy exercise chemicals: A solid 5 km / 1 hour walk. Daily.

If I have all three of these things, I am great. Couldn’t be happier (with the obvious caveats of “a couple fewer hatemongers in my immediate circle” and “just millions and millions of euros so I didn’t have to worry about stuff all the time”).

If I have any two of these things, I’m good. I can function more or less indefinitely without spiralling into stare-at-the-walls bleakness.

I can live with only one out of three, but the one has to be writing.

That’s it. That’s the triangle.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy. https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
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25 Responses to Hatboy’s Triangle of Undiagnosed-General-Sadness-Avoidance

  1. stchucky says:

    Right now, for reference, I’m just not walking. So that’s a thing I need to do whether I have time for it or not, I guess. Work in progress. Right now for various reasons I can only leave the house when someone else is here to keep an eye on things, so my walking time is restricted to whenever Mrs. Hatboy is at home. Tricky given work and other commitments.

    I do my best on the clean front. The hair sometimes lapses for two weeks due to there just not being time. The shit, the shit cannot lapse. It’s not an option. I wash every day. Since we have plumbing renovations going on and sometimes don’t have hot water (or sometimes running water at all), I wash and re-bag using baby wipes or cold water. It’s … enough.

    And writing. The problem there is, I could write 24 hours a day and still complain that I need more time for writing. Seeing as it’s a bottomless pit, I do my best to be realistic about it, and prioritise family and friends time. But I can do that (to the complete exclusion of writing) for about a week before I start to want to die, so that’s where the other two points of the triangle become kind of important.

  2. aaronthepatriot says:

    I was going to make a snarky comment about everyone having shit to deal with, but let’s just take it as read. Good stuff, man!

    Weather has gotten amazing here so not only are our ~3Km walks now able to happen around lunchtime, but we are working to up our game and get it back to the 5km range. We have a route that is 0.8 miles per (Fitbits are cool), and right now we do it twice, but we were doing 3 before this pandemic shit and we’ll get back there soon. So that’s 2.4 miles, which I think is close to 5 km. Have a great weegend bruzzah.

  3. Toon says:

    Hey Aaron
    What rates as amazing weather where you are? I have no idea where you live other than Hatboy refers to you as an USian and therefore you’ll be coming to the end of summer? You can walk more because it’s no longer too hot?

    • aaronthepatriot says:

      Northern VA, summer was hot and REALLY humid (for summer, which I think of as dry). So I like humidity to be south of like 60% and similar for F temperature. My wife prefers like 75 F so I try to call that amazing. Right now at 9:30 it’s 75 and 82% humidity, a little yuckier than it has been, that tells me to get out there and mow ASAP.

      • stchucky says:

        (VA is Virginia, I only mention because it took me a while to figure out)

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Hatboy, I *know* I’ve used VA in emails to you at least 10 times.

      • stchucky says:

        Yes. I’ve also received post from you. It took me a while to figure out what it meant when I first saw it. Not yesterday when you wrote it here on the blog.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Ahh. Not sure if Toon knew that’s what you meant but gotcha.

      • stchucky says:

        Does it actually matter if Toon knew that was what I meant? The pertinent information was what VA means and that it’s pretty normal for non-USians to not know it, and that was why I was providing the info. There was no implied criticism of your assumption that we would know, and no implied accusation of ignorance for Toon not knowing. It’s all good.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        It’s all good except you keep trying to have the last word XD

      • stchucky says:

        God of the blog.

      • stchucky says:

        Fun additional VA fact: When I first saw the abbreviation, for a moment I was like “is that Vancouver? No wait, that’s Canada.”

        Also worth noting, on the Hatstand “WA” is always Western Australia. Not Washington.

  4. Toon says:

    I didn’t know what VA meant either! Then had to try and convert Fahrenheit to Celsius.
    Thank you. (To both of you).
    So a preferred temp of 60 F would be 15 C. Maximum temp during the day? If that’s as hot as it gets at midday that sounds like a cold day to me but then again I’m a soft girl’s blouse. 75F would be 23C. That sounds pretty damn nice anywhere in the world, I’d still need a jumper but there you go… thanks!

  5. Toon says:

    Sounds like a balmy summer’s evening Hatboy…had to google what time it would be right now in Finland just then too, I’m learning a lot tonight…plus going for a walk has got to be better than Aaron’s mowing right now…

  6. Beer Rot says:

    I have nothing to add to this…

    I did buy Arsebook for a nurse friend, she read it last night and enjoyed it. We were talking about prescription strength laxatives and your colon was the first thing I thought of.

  7. Toon says:

    He was your Colonic Inspiration? Fair Play to Hatboy.

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