Where I’m At / Signing Off, February 29th, 2020

I was going to make a post for the 29.2.2020 leap day, but was messing around and missed the midnight cut-off. Classic.

I’m not, of course, completely signing off on the blog. Too many debates still to have, and you never know when I’ll need to get something down in the ol’ journal. April 2020 marks fifteen years since my first post on this blog, which ain’t nothin’.

But in the meantime, there doesn’t seem much point putting original material on here. It’s just not being viewed so it’s a waste. I’ll put it in the books, and it can be not-viewed on Amazon, hah.

Where am I at?

I’m about halfway through Tales of the Always Night, that’s 12 chapters in Part 1, 4-and-a-bit stories (out of 10) in Part 2 done, and then the stories of Part 3 still to write. 130 pages, 50,224 words so far.

I’m a measly 12 pages, 6,348 words into Part 2 of The Last Days of Earth (actually about 17,500 words done in the part altogether but the rest is notes), and lagging critically slow because it’s a really hard book to write. I have a great ending set up for it though. I still want to get it done for Ropecon’s “End of the World” theme in July but I have so much other shit to worry about and – yes – I’m still working full time and doing my best to be a good husband and father. Those are my priorities.

I’m not ready to stop writing, as it looks like my old chum Lucas Thorn has done for the time being. My demons won’t let me stop. But right now I’m getting encouragement from Wump so Tales of the Always Night is the story I’m working on.

I have high (higher than it should be) blood pressure, which from what I hear may actually be a medical prerequisite for becoming a Finnish citizen but it still sucks. Nothing helps reduce stress like learning you have a health issue that’s made worse by stress, am I right? It’s also caused by poor sleep, too much salt, and lack of exercise. So it’s probably more surprising that I’ve had normal blood pressure all these years.

I’ve gotten steadily worse since 2015 or so, though, no point denying it. I feel healthy enough, aside from the fatigue and the dark moods. But … going from job to job, trying to balance too many plates, it catches up with you. And almost daily now I find myself looking at the way I feel, the way I act, and wondering when I turned into this tense, angry, crappy person. I hide it pretty well, but not from anyone who knows me.

So, for a while, I’m going to switch off the computer. Go to bed. Take a walk. Not buy chips while I’m on said walk. Enjoy my incredible kids (Wump beat me at chess again tonight, and unlike her first victory I was dead sober this time!) and my impossibly wonderful wife.

I’ll still be writing, though. On my phone.

Demons won’t let me stop.

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5 Responses to Where I’m At / Signing Off, February 29th, 2020

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    I hear that Demons Run…. Sorry about the high blood pressure. I’m sure I’ll have that next time I get my physical, with the way life has been. I think it’s great that you’re going to simplify, scale back in areas so that you can focus on the joyous ones, like wife and kids. I’m trying to do just the same, for many similar reasons. It’s so great about her beating you at chess! I remember those days from my childhood, too. That was a boost of confidence that stuck with me for the rest of my childhood in fact.

    Hang in there bro. And I’ll try to take my own advice, because yesterday certainly sucked. Let’s hope the import is small, it’s just too hard to say. You’ll know what I mean in a few minutes if this is too cryptic.

  2. Damon says:

    Thank you for sharing your writing with us for these last fifteen years. I only became aware of your blog a few years ago after reading your books (all the way through, three times) and have spent many hours going back through old posts reading your stories, rants and movie reviews. I had looked forward to many more, this time while attempting to participate, something I have always avoided, preferring to not engage, an issue that has led to many problems.

    It may feel like a waste, but you have reached people, even if its not as many as you hoped. I can relate to what you are going through and you seem to have your priorities in order.

    Good luck. It appears a few of us will be around when you post again. Don’t feel alone. You have a gift you are attempting to share and it takes time for other people to accept.

  3. Joonatan Itkonen says:

    This is where I usually catch up with your antics as often as possible, it’ll be sad to not have it around as often. Luckily we have our bullshitting sessions elsewhere. If it helps any, I will echo what Damon said: Your work is appreciated and read, and it makes a difference.

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