My day went to abrupt meltdown-level shit so although I have a part ready to post, I’m going to leave it until tomorrow so I have a chance to unpack and get my head back together again.
Instead, I adapted one of my blog comments into a relevant aki’Pedia page on the subject of omnicide. Enjoy. Again. I guess.
– Posted from my meh
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About Hatboy
I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends.
Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages?
I am Hatboy.
https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
Hatboy's Hatstand 
Sorry about your day, man, hang in there! Ugh.
Cool, I didn’t bookmark the aki’Pedia yet *does so*
But…
“Few criminals, of course, get close enough to committing omnicide to actually attract the attention of anyone who might be inclined to stop them. So far, 100% of attempted omnicides have been prevented and the criminals responsible sentenced accordingly. The elevation of a successful omnicidal criminal to Class Eleven criminal status is, therefore, a purely theoretical exercise in criminal philosophy.”
I would add that it would, of course, be logically impossible to convict anyone of successful omnicide. I was thinking that throughout reading the entry XD
Well, right, exactly. That was the (intended) joke there: presumably, if anyone ever did succeed in committing omnicide, nobody would ever know.
I’ve got a couple of other tweaks to make to that page anyway but it’ll wait until tomorrow. Can’t do it on my phone.
I think the problem with the joke is the word “therefore”. That sentence doesn’t follow from the sentence before, that no one has succeeded, as “therefore” implies. I think a tweak there would make the point without being too much on the nose.
“of course” instead? “obviously”?
Agreed. Fixed it:
https://akipedia.wikia.com/wiki/Omnicide
I mean, the joke wasn’t so hilarious that the subtlety was achieving anything, and I like the scholarly treatment of such a surreal and absurd crime. I can just see wanky CMPD Detectives of Category 8+ crimes spending weeks in tedious lectures about it.
I like it. Actually I think it’s a really wonky joke, which makes it gold for me. But I am a well-recognized spewer of “groaners”, in my personal life.
Hope the day is getting better. Meltdowns are the fucking worst.
Right??
Things are looking up, Mrs. Hatboy and Wump and Toop looked after me.
Good girls! We’re both lucky to have 3 of them to cheer us up when things are down! Actually, I have 4 if you count the extremely cute teeny cat we got this summer. Freya.
Freya, for real? That’s gold.
Agreed! So great considering how small and sweet she is, too.
Even better, she came that way (adopted her as an adult, not sure but 1-2 ish years old, decided would be mean to change it. Previous owner died…very sad….)
We did consider changing the y to a j ;D