It looks like Sonic the Hedgehog is actually getting a live-action movie. At least, there’s a lot of stuff on IMDB, Wikipedia and so on about it, so … it is probably happening because we are living in a world where it would happen?

There’s a poster. It’s not as disturbing as some of the stuff you find when you go down the Sonic the Hedgehog Internet Rabbit Hole, but it’s pretty weird.

I like that it’s by the producers of The Fast and the Furious, even if that’s just a joke. It promises adrenaline-fuelled hijinks and cool visuals. I’m picturing something more like Detective Pikachu / Who Framed Roger Rabbit than Super Mario Brothers (although the latter was by no means a bad movie). And Jim Carrey is playing Robotnik…

Look, people.

I don’t know what to say about this. I just don’t. I just said the words “Detective Pikachu”.

Let’s keep it real. Few kids and teenagers will have played more Sonic the Hedgehog / Sonic the Hedgehog 2 than I did. And I know that’s a bold claim, but it was my console jam through pretty much the entire 1990s. I may have wandered away by the time Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles hit the stores, but I played a lot of this psychedelic hypertension-causing crap. And it was fun. I should be either excited or horrified by this development, or both. But the best I can manage is a sort of vague amusement.

Am I worried a movie, however nightmarish, is going to Ruin My Childhood™? No. I’m not that sort of idiot. I didn’t love the game, didn’t obsess over it. I just … played it a goddamn ton. It was fun. And frustrating. And oh, so very pointless. Like all games, really. But sometimes pointlessness is the key, isn’t it?

Let’s just not lose sight of the main issue here, which is that a Sonic the Hedgehog movie brings all of us rough beasts one slouching step closer to a live-action Toejam & Earl movie.

– Posted from my Huawei mobile phone while on the bus.