Day 115. 143 pages, 64,886 words.

Have I mentioned I’m building a boat?

It’s not much, just a little one-man fishing boat. I’m not much with the designing and the fibreglass and stuff (makes me super itchy), so I’m just making it out of wood using a How To video I found on YouTube. Once it’s finished, I’m going to haul it to Norway and do me a bit of rainbow trout fishing. There’s nothing quite like fish you’ve caught yourself, am I right? And I’m pretty sure what I’ll lose on the trip I’ll make up for in not paying €18 a kilo for kirjolohi in the supermarket. Suckers!

Before it started getting too cold, I dug up a patch in the back garden that I’m going to convert into a rice paddy. Obviously this isn’t going to take off during the winter but at least I got the base dug before the ground freezes. Next summer it should come up a treat – especially with the wet, warm, extended summers we’ve been having. Move with the climate, I say. Should be perfect for a crop of temperate japonica.

We’ve also got quite the little greenhouse happening already, so we’re a step ahead of the game there. Cucumbers, paprikas, you name it. Mrs. Hatboy has all those things in her conservatory and they grow really well. Ginger, and Japanese horseradish (or just plain horseradish in a pinch, but I’d hate to not do this exactly right), will probably grow in there too and then it’s just a matter of pickling the ginger and grinding the horseradish into paste.

The next challenge, of course, is nori. Now, I looked this up and was interested to discover that it’s not exactly seaweed (not sure how I could have grown seaweed anyway!), but a kind of pressed algae. Did you know that a British woman, phycologist Kathleen Mary Drew-Baker to be precise, pioneered a method of harvesting Porphyria umbilicalis from the sea around Wales, and her methods were adopted by Japanese scientists in the hard times after World War II? And that there is a statue to her and she is revered as the “Mother of the Sea” in Japan?

Still, it’s difficult but not impossible. I might be able to get one or two tropical fish tanks from the local kierrätyskeskus, and use some netting to grow the algae. Pressing and drying it should be doable either in the drying cupboard or the sauna, so a good savings there even though they both eat a bit of power, I’d only need to do it every so often. Ultimately a bit of work but it will pay off in the end.

I’m sure there’s a few things I’ve forgotten. Like, for example, if I want to make the occasional roll of sushi with crab sticks in, I might want to breed crabs in the same tanks I’m growing the nori in? Or would it be worth throwing a crab pot or two into my boat when it’s done? I think I can make a crab pot out of juniper branches.

It’s going to take a while and be a little bit of effort, but ultimately will definitely save me time and money. The important thing, of course, is that I’ll get to be a poopy little judgemental snob about people who buy sushi in the supermarket like goddamn plebs.


– Posted from my Huawei mobile phone while on my lunch break. I’m thinking of some way I can build my own smartphone and mobile network too, by the way. Possibly using coconuts like on Gilligan’s motherfucking Island.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
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8 Responses to Boat

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    This is all awesome, I’m seriously jealous of all your cool projects and your space which enables you to embark upon them.

    Meanwhile here our neighbor is moving our trash around in the public area to make MORE room around his car (he already has enough but he’s a little bitch) and causing the trash company to miss them, or for leaf bags to open up because he put them on wet grass overnight as opposed to the cement (next to his parking spot) where we placed them thoughtfully.

    Marta had to run out in the snow to make sure our bags got picked up yesterday after the recyclers missed them, since he moved them away. So a bunch of shredded paper went to the trash heap as opposed to being recycled. Great.

    We’ve told him the NEXT time(s) he makes us miss the pickup with his bullshit, our trash will become HIS problem.

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