Pull out a light

A guest blog by my pal Ilya.


It’s not until you see their faces again that you make one and one come together.

They’re faces you know.

From school. Work. Maybe your local pub. Or library.

You don’t know them, but you know them. You know their faces.

And then you see them, you see them living their life, and you really know them.

You know that they are different. Why you think the word “different” doesn’t occur to you.


It’s a word that is an idea that is a word that is a feeling that is a mirror. Of you.

And you don’t forget. You can’t. Everything changed. But nothing changed.


There is them. And there is you, the you that is the me. The me that is the I. The I that is who I am and they are not.

We forget the haircuts, the shaved beard, the odd but curiously amusing sneaker choices. They are not the them.

The changes, the history – that is forgotten.

But you can’t forget them.

And you don’t know why.

You are asked: why are you remembering? What are you remembering?

The changes don’t stick. Those are faded photographs misplaced in a dusty cellar.

The changes – they become friends; with the dust. The darkness. The stillness. They become friends with what has been forgotten.

But forgotten – it’s not a state. It is an act.

What we forget is a mountain in the dark, ever slowly building, with new layers of what we forgot.

But one day…

One day, someone turns on a light.

And we see all that we forgot, so sure that we can never go back.

The past was left in the dust, in the dark.

Until someone turned on a light.

And the past crashed. An avalanche. Conveniently, we forgot that we don’t ski.


When some of us arrived at what we were told was the future, was the 21st century, we came prepared. We brought our own flashlights. So we could see better than we had in the 20th century.

We raised our own flashlights, proudly, to the sky. We smiled. And we jokingly declared: “my Schwartz is as big as yours”.

“Where are you from?” they asked. The they – we, some of us, call them “Muggles”. We don’t say it to be mean. Just to clarify. It’s not us and them. It’s us and “muggles”. No more anonymous them. We never really liked Orwell and Guy Fawkes too much anyway. Trendy irony didn’t appeal.

We answered.

“We come from the internet.”

Frowns all around. Humour is lost on so many.

We came in jeans, sneakers, and t-shirts with funny pictures. Daleks with bottles declaring “inebriate!” Storm Troopers declaring “the empire wants you!” Bright neon statements, spread out across our chest, declaring in all honesty that unicorns are cool.

They came in suits.

Suits and leather shoes.

We could fold our hair back behind our ears.

The Muggles barely had any hair. We wondered if they lived next to a barber and had a No.1 every few weeks.


We know the Muggles don’t like us. We argue. We can internet. We screenshot. We remember your Twitter posts.

“Marriage will be deformed!” Or some variation therein, they started screaming, ever so oddly in recent months. Primarily in Australia.

Australia. Caught in a time bubble. Slow to change. Except it’s a porous bubble. Things slip through. Most recently – craft beer.

The Muggles worry. They worry about change. Marriage change. We remind them of 1994, when they changed marriage.

But they protest. Different times. Different era.

We think they’re just saying things for the sake of saying words.

So we asked them. “Why this fear?”

Fear is, of course, a popular driving force in human history. If only it would stop driving backwards.

We hear the words “religious freedom will be violated!”

In response: lawyers wielding a gif of Nathan Fillion protested. “Incorrect” they cried.

We sighed, and giggled. And we facepalmed.

We thought: arguments don’t seem to be, well, doing anything. Argumentative fallacies were everywhere. So we caught them all, because we like Pokemon Go. And we’ve assembled them here, just for you.

The following is a highly controversial transcript, due to its use of bright and shiny colours. Readers, enjoy the colour spectrum at your own peril.



Muggles: “The blessings of unions will be irrevocably changed! And obviously for the worse!”

Zapp Brannigan says:


Muggles: “The value of marriage will be diluted if the homosexuals play at marriage!”

Invader Zim:


Muggles: “There is no iconography for them, so there is no place for them!”

7 of 9 declares:

Star Trek: Voyager 1997 Gallery/ Season 4 #745 Photo: Julie Dennis

Muggles: “They will change the meaning of marriage!”

Wayne and Garth have proffered up the following thoughts unto us:


Muggles: “What criteria do we apply to determine whether a union rite is Christian or not?”

light_05 Muggles: “Marriage is about starting a family!”

Muggles: “Vows are meant to convey agency under God! You change the meaning of God if you sanctify same-sex weddings!”

And now a word from yours truly – Ilya.



We’re sorry if the above text was hard to bear. If you found yourself re-watching those awesome episodes of The Flash where everyone goes to Gorilla City in your head – we completely understand. Long live Grodd!

We understand that you might find our irreverence perhaps uncouth.

Maybe it’ll be lost on you. “You’re being irreverent towards the Lord!” you might say.

Yeah? And?

Worshipping a god that doesn’t have a sense of humour? That doesn’t sound terribly fun.

And who wants to worship a deity that doesn’t have a sense of humour?

You see, we like laughing at ourselves. It keeps us humble. We like being humble. Humility, after all, is a fairly critical Christian virtue.

And we like it.

It helps us maintain perspective. It helps us know how to walk the road that we’re moving forward on.

It helps us walk forwards after the sun has set. When we pull out our own flashlights.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy. https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
This entry was posted in Hatboy's Nuggets of Crispy-Fried Wisdom, Kussa mun hopoti? and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

1 Response to Pull out a light

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    Wow. That was spectacular, and you put so much effort into it, hitting all the bases! I can’t even begin to respond but then again, I think you said it all. Nice work, Ilya!

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