When Chucky Met Janica

Eighteen years ago, pretty close to On This Day, in 1999 (actually it started on the 27th of August, but it ran through the 1st of September and beyond), a conversation happened in the newsgroup of alt.fan.robert-jordan.

The following dramatization has been assembled from actual quotes taken from the Google Groups archives.


INT. NEWSGROUP TAVERN. NIGHT.

JANICA (posting as MARTTI PALOKAS, her DAD’S E-MAIL ACCOUNT was the only sign-in authentication available when using the NEWS FEATURE on the e-mail system back in the day) ENTERS on the heels of ANOTHER LURKER who had just spoken up to SAY HELLO.

JANICA: Since so many “lurkers” are “coming out of the closet”, I’ll add my little bit, if you don’t mind. I’m Janica (don’t even try to pronounce it), from Finland (no, that’s not a coutry [sic] west of Switzerland. No, it’s not a state next to Nebraska, either). I’m 19 years, on my second readin of WOT (I’m gathering quotes that I can throw into everybody’s face when people go back to discussing the books). I’ve been around for some months already, and posted some odds and ends. You might hear from me once in a while. Or then you may not.

JANICA (cont’d): So there.

JANICA (cont’d): P.S. Chucky? I’m head over heels in love with you.

FENSKE (a NEWSGROUP REGULAR) reverts to 6 ½ YEARS OLD (his words) while CHUCKY is still PROPAGATING IN SHOCK.

FENSKE: Chucky and Janica sittin in a tree

FENSKE (cont’d): K-I-S-S-I-N-G

FENSKE (cont’d): First comes love

FENSKE (cont’d): Then comes marriage

FENSKE (cont’d): The [sic] comes Chucky pushin a baby carriage

FENSKE returns to normal, and SMILEYFACES.

FENSKE (cont’d): Whoops… sorry. sometimes i [sic] can’t control myself…

FENSKE SMILEYFACES again.

CONTRO (yes, that Contro) ambles over from the BAR, and greets JANICA.

CONTRO: Hi, I’ve seen some of yours posts before, so you are a “sort of” lurker.

CONTRO (cont’d): Sort of.

CONTRO (cont’d): Whats [sic] it like being dark all the time?  I mean, it must be odd. How about when its [sic] light all the time?

CONTRO looks MILDLY ABASHED.

CONTRO (cont’d): Sorry for the Q’s, its [sic] just hard to imagine, thats [sic] all.

MISTER C, who will one day be known as LUCAS “GLOMULUS CRATCH” THORN, is sitting in the BACK OF THE BAR nursing a COKE. His mode of speech is a STRANGELY JOLLY WHISPER due to his refusal to CAPITALISE WHILE WRITING.

MISTER C: we’ll be nice. i’ll be extra-nice if you call chucky ‘hon’. just once…

CHUCKY, aka. HATBOY, aka. ST. CHUCKY THE CHUNDEROUS, aka. … you get the idea … finally hurries over to GREET THE NEW ARRIVAL. This is usually accompanied by a WELCOME WAGON DANCE, but these events may in fact have predated the WELCOME WAGON.

CHUCKY: I certainly hope we hear more from you! I like Finland – don’t you have an international Madman Day or something? We had an exchange student from Finland once.

JANICA: Actually, I’ve never even heard of that. It might go by another name up here, though. Anyway, we’re all madmen up here. Just hang around the capital on any weekend, and you’ll see.

CHUCKY: In other news, um, well I’d say welcome aboard, but you’ve been lurking long enough to find whatever good points I may have, so all I can say is, um, hi.

CHUCKY (cont’d): If you’re going to be posting your opinions here, we’ll meet again, surely.

JANICA: Thank you very much! I’ll just have to see to it that I stay on good terms with you and Mr C., I don’t think I could survive being flamed by both of you. Anyway, good night, as I’m off to check out your FAQ.

SCENE.


INT. NEWSGROUP TAVERN. NIGHT.

CHUCKY is growing increasingly excited at the prospect of FINLAND, while fending off CYNICAL MUTTERS of being IN WUV from MISTER C and CONTRO.

CHUCKY: Crazy people?

CHUCKY (cont’d): Perpetual darkness?

CHUCKY (cont’d): I’M THERE!!!!!!!!

CHUCKY waits for the inevitable HOWLS OF TRIUMPH from CONTRO, who had already begun insisting that CHUCKY was IN WUV, and SNIGGERS from MISTER C at the concept of CHUCKY falling for a NETIZEN.

JANICA enters in time to hear CHUCKY’S proclamation.

JANICA: Be sure to tell me when the plane lands!

CONTRO: LOL!!!!!! Did’nt [sic] know you would ever plan on settling down Chucky!  You and Janica will get on great I’m sure.

SCENE.


INT. NEWSGROUP TAVERN. NIGHT.

The NETIZENS of ALT.FAN.ROBERT-JORDAN are VIGOROUSLY DEBATING the value of CITATIONS FROM THE BOOKS as a sign of integrity and intellect, and the relative merits of WUV and ARGUMENT with regards to an EXISTING ANTAGONISTIC RELATIONSHIP between CONTRO and LYNNE.

MISTER C: they do say the first sign of love is that desperate need to argue.

CHUCKY: No it isn’t! Otherwise I’d be arguing with Janica!

CHUCKY (cont’d): Oops.

JANICA blushes deeply.

JANICA: I was hoping you’d say that. So, now I have to keep quoting to maintain your affection? Hmm, that might get difficult in the long run.

SCENE.


Although the raunchy and shameless book citing dried up over time, the foundation was set. And On This Day seventeen years ago, Janica and Chucky hurriedly tied the knot at the Vantaa magistrates’ offices, just a day ahead of the deportation-happy forces of Immigration Control.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

The Hindle Girls.

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5 Responses to When Chucky Met Janica

  1. dreameling says:

    JANICA (posting as MARTTI PALOKAS, her DAD’S E-MAIL ACCOUNT was the only sign-in authentication available when using the NEWS FEATURE on the e-mail system back in the day) ENTERS on the heels of ANOTHER LURKER who had just spoken up to SAY HELLO.

    So… you actually fell in love with a “Martti”, didn’t you?

    JANICA (cont’d): P.S. Chucky? I’m head over heels in love with you.

    Is there more context to it? 🙂

    • stchucky says:

      So… you actually fell in love with a “Martti”, didn’t you?

      Well, she did sign her posts “Janica”, although the newsreader showed them as Martti. And a couple of the USians on the group called her Marty for a while.

      But I did fall in love with a “Janica-with-an-English-J”.

      JANICA (cont’d): P.S. Chucky? I’m head over heels in love with you.

      Is there more context to it?

      The entirety of the greeting message is quoted there, only broken up by formatting and stuff. There was no context other than several months of me being a smarmy bastard in a usenet group, and her presumably reading my posts from afar.

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