The Legend of the 1500, Part 5

Day 106. 78 pages, 34,688 words. Really got sod-all written over the weekend.

“Look,” I tried one last time, “going where? We know nothing about this adventure. We don’t know what the 1500 was, what it is now, or where to find it. We can’t just go down into the sewers and start poking around. It could mean anything. For all we know, it’s something that happened at three o’clock in the afternoon somewhere.”

Creepy waved a hand, almost dropping his sushi before popping it in his mouth.

“Details,” he slurred dismissively.

It never ceases to amaze me that some people can say details in that unconcerned tish-and-pish manner, as if the details are not the actual main thing about whatever issue said people are about to make a huge mess of. If someone said to me “hey, let’s do a thing,” I’d want to know the details. Having learned that the details were “put poisonous snakes down our pants, walk into a biker bar and start crotch-bumping people,” I would not wave a dismissive hand and say “details”. Because the details weren’t just incidental pointless tangential stuff. They were details. That’s why there were details, and irrelevant side-facts, and the two were not the same.

“Fine,” I said, “we’re on the quest. What do we do now?”

“I’m glad you’re finally seeing sense,” he congratulated me.

“Sure,” I said, “sense. That’s what this is. Good. Now, where to?”

“Aha,” Creepy immediately confirmed he had no idea by saying. “Don’t you see, Hatboy?”

“You can’t reveal that to me for some reason,” I guessed, “probably to do with giving me the chance to figure it out myself in order to improve my reasoning and deductive skills in comparison to yours, or hone my adventuring instincts.”

“Exactly!” Creepy congratulated me. “Very good, now take the next step.”

I went to bed.

After a very pleasant afternoon’s rest I was briefly awakened by the sounds of Creepy attempting to stealthily leave the house, the roars and cheers and laughter of Creepy falling afoul of the Barbarians across the road, and the wet splatting as a nagilabeast-blood-drenched Creepy tried – once again unsuccessfully – to sneak back into the house. I went back to sleep for a while but Creepy was still decidedly damp and even greasier than usual when I finally came down for afternoon tea.

“What happened to you?” I asked mildly, putting on some water for noodles.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” he managed to bluster.

I shrugged. “If I had to test my reasoning and deductive skills,” I said, “I’d guess you tried to sneak across the road to find out what the Barbarians knew about the lost 1500 so you could then pretend to have known all along, and Yoru caught you and dunked you in his kiddy-pool while all the others stood around and laughed, and you have since discovered that nagilablood isn’t water soluble. But you let me know as soon as you crack the case. I’ll be having afternoon tea in the garage.”

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
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4 Responses to The Legend of the 1500, Part 5

  1. brknwntr says:

    At least you finished your first series before Martining your next project. Your problem now is that I’m invested in this story than I am in the forthcoming book since I haven’t read any of that yet. Basically no matter what you do, you’re screwed.

    • stchucky says:

      Oh hang on, 100+ days is Martinning now? Okay, I guess all things being relative … guess it remains to be seen. This just turned out to be a Hell of a book, is all.

      This little sideline isn’t going to be big, though. Sorry.

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