I’m out of time as always for the moment, but I couldn’t not write a note about the sequel to Independence Day.
We went to see Independence Day: Resurgence last night, and it was just as hilarious, cheesy, corny and full of BSTs and explosions as one could have hoped. I saw a review of the movie before we went to see the movie itself, and I have to say I think it was a bit unfair.
 Mr. BRKN dealt with the babysitting of Wump, Toop and Wally like an absolute champ, even performing optional special-challenge tasks like bathy time and tooth-brushing with great aplomb. Hats off again.
Okay, so first of all, what sort of movie were these guys expecting? Yeah, I’m ready to basically disregard everything they said because their expectations were so stupidly unrealistic. Yes, this is a big dumb special effects blockbuster. It’s completely stupid and mindless. If whizzbangs for the sake of whizzbangs annoy you and you care about any level of substance in your movies, don’t see this. It has no substance.
But it was hilarious.
Second of all, the character interactions were terrible, I’ll give the reviewers that even though it should have been a foregone conclusion. I guess twenty years down the line, we all expect a lot more from our blockbusters. Or, you know, a bit more. Again, don’t expect anything but dumb stencilled paint-by-numbers box-ticking here. Jeff Goldblum and Judd Hirsch were the only diamonds in this overflowing toilet.
Pictured: One diamond, and one thing you would actually expect to find in an overflowing toilet. Sorry Thor’s Brother, I’m sure you’ll improve.
The review I linked had an amusing rant about the “gay couple” in the movie, but Brent “Data” Spiner and his buddy were perhaps the sweetest and best-realised partnership in the movie. That’s not saying much, but there it is. Now, I was already pre-prepared to think of them as a gay couple, although everyone else I saw the movie with was like “those were the gay guys? I thought they were just wacky old science buds. The African warlord and the UN bureaucrat were the gay couple.”
And I can sort of agree with that. They had a fun character arc too. But the scientists called each other “babe” and nagged each other and smirked and they had orchids, that’s classic Emmerich-gay. Sorry. Remember the first movie, with the gay character who flapped his hands when he ran and said “I have to call my mother!” and ended up getting creamed by a car half an hour in? Yeah, there you go.
Anyway, the criticism of the “gay couple” was at once fair, and stupid. No, they weren’t handled well. But they were an adorable pair of characters and they weren’t as dull as Pullman and his daughter, Pullman’s daughter and Thor’s brother, Thor’s brother and his nerdy comic relief bro, Thor’s brother and Will Smith’s son, nerdy comic relief bro and Chinese girl, Chinese girl and strict uncle, or that carful of pointless goddamn kids.
I could go on at length about the alien technology and how narratively convenient it all was, but I don’t have time. And I could wax philosophical about the ludicrous daydream of an alien invasion making the human species come together as a single unified planet and adopt smart technology and work as equals, but I don’t have time for that either.
So I’ll limit myself to laughing about Brent Spiner’s “We are gonna kick some serious alien ass!” one-liner and hoping that Independence Day 3 is going to be a reboot of The Last Starfighter. Because I would watch that.
A 3,000-mile-across spaceship landing on a planet, however, would depopulate the planet. It would be an extinction-level environment-changer. They wouldn’t need to send out ships, or drill into the planet’s molten core. They just would have had to land. The movie’s plot should have been about stopping the ship from landing. We still would have gotten plenty of opportunity to see weird gravity stuff tearing cities apart, and watch the moon getting plastered. In fact, why didn’t the aliens just nudge the moon into Earth, then sit back and watch us get eradicated, and then go for the core?
 Although I understand that this was somehow fuel that they needed, so I guess they did need to do that. What every human character didn’t need to do, however, was keep calling it a ‘molten core’. Just call it “the core” or “the planet’s core”. I mean, for a start, we all know that the core of the planet is … well, it’s either solid, or molten but under such high pressure and density that it is basically solid, and that it’s surrounded by magma in the mantle and outer core, and so on and so forth. Continually referring to it as “the Earth’s molten core” made everyone sound like Doctor Evil. And not in a funny way.
They used a “laser”.
Yes, it could have been done a lot better. But damn if it wasn’t pretty. And damn if that ending wasn’t fucking hysterical.