Sometimes, online job application forms are a gold mine of entertainment. Here’s a set of questions I had to fill out on a job hunting page recently.
Yes, these are my actual answers that I actually submitted.
Please tell us 3 times you were treated unfairly.
(Blogger’s note: Hi dreameling…)
- My current workplace is laying me off instead of moving me into a marketing or consulting position where I could help them more and use my talents better.
- I got cancer, that was pretty unfair. Still, I survived so I guess I can’t complain. But hey, you asked.
If you do not get this job, why do you think that would be?
- I’d say it’s because you guys dropped the ball. Or because you found someone with a CV you liked better. You know, it’s a competitive job market out there right now.
Please list 3 organizations that you don’t admire and why.
- Do the Perussuomalaiset count as an organisation? I don’t admire them because they’re bigots.
- Pfizer, I don’t really have anything against them but I hear bad things and I don’t generally admire Big Pharma.
- Any organisation that imposes outmoded values onto the rest of the population, for example political parties that stand in the way of assisted suicide or religious groups that suppress LBGT rights.
(Blogger’s note: This was a difficult question, because there are probably millions of organisations out there that I don’t admire. I don’t admire organisations by default – I’m neutral towards them until they make some decision or perform some act that tips me over in one direction or the other. So it would be accurate to say I “don’t admire” a heap of places, but that doesn’t mean I actively despise them or even hold them in low regard. Just that the question was phrased badly.)
If you were forced to relive the last three years of your life, would you do anything differently?
- No, that’s not enough years to successfully screen and prevent the cancer I mentioned earlier (I got that in 2011), so I’d do it pretty much the same.
Describe an instance where something went really wrong and you were a victim.
- I don’t consider myself a victim. Sometimes bad things happen (cancer, global economic crisis), but you just have to keep on going.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how lucky are you?
- 10. Well … maybe this morning I’m a 9. I’d be a 10 if this application website remembered my entries so I didn’t have to keep writing them! But maybe that’s ungrateful.
Did you ever apply for a job and not get it? Why do you think you weren’t offered the position?
- Yes. I’m sure it was because they found the person they were actually looking for instead of the one they advertised for, but part of me is still pretty sure they dropped the ball and should have chosen me.
What’s the toughest feedback someone has ever given you? How did you respond?
- As a fiction novelist, I’ve received my share of rejection letters and bad Amazon reviews. I generally respond by writing 5 more novels.