Day 16. 67 pages, 30,964 words.
Saturday is here and here is the first lazy part of my lost .txt of 2002.
Mark Hamill as GEORGE W. SKYWALKER
Harrison Ford as COLIN SOLO
Peter Mayhew as THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE (AKA BOMBIE)
Carrie Fisher as PRINCESS BLAIR
Alec Guinness as JAQUI WAN CHIRAQI
Kenny Baker as CNN-D2
Anthony Daniels as BBC-3PO
Ian McDiarmid as EMPEROR SADDAMPATINE
Billy Dee Williams as LANDO HOWARD
A Bunch Of Midgets In Care Bear Costumes as THE CONSCIENTIOUS OBJECTING WHINY PUSSY TREE-HUGGING HIPPIE WIMPS OF ENDOR
and the voices of
James Earl Jones as DARTH LADEN
___ as JABBA THE INTERNATIONAL CRIMINAL COURT
and Frank Oz as COFI
 This name was missing from the .txt file. I believe, as this satire was originally posted on Usenet, the role of Jabba was filled by my “cousin” Debs, who everyone made fat jokes about. Long story. I don’t think leaving it blank really detracts from the story though.
All is peaceful in the American base somewhere in Alaska. GEORGE W. SKYWALKER is out looking for terrorists, and gets himself stuck in a snowstorm in the course of his exploring. Just as he is about to die of exposure, the ghost of JAQUI WAN CHIRAQI appears before him.
JACK: George … George!
JACK: You will go to the UNobah System. You will seek out Cofi, to learn the ways of the Peace.
JACK fades away and is replaced by COLIN SOLO in a humvee.
COLIN: George! You’ll be okay, it’s lucky I found you. Come on, we’re only ten yards away from the base. We can almost walk it.
GEORGE is recovering, while COLIN and PRINCESS BLAIR argue and flirt in the military base. COLIN and THE SECRETARY OF DEFENSE (AKA BOMBIE) are trying to get Air Force One working so they can go off looking for profit.
COLIN: Good to see you’re back on your feet, George. Looks like Her Majesty got to keep me around a little longer. Now she’s concerned that there are more terrorists on their way here.
BLAIR: I’m not a Queen! And I don’t want you around.
COLIN: That’s not what she was saying in Parliament. She confessed her true feelings towards me.
BLAIR: Well, I guess you just don’t understand British people yet.
PRINCESS BLAIR gives GEORGE a big kiss.
COLIN: Whoa! Nasty.
TO BE CONTINUED