Day 5. 36 pages, 14,421 words.

Australia Day is just around the corner, and as such it is probably time to start saving up some spare cash to buy and barbecue some lamb.

Apparently that’s a thing that I have to do on the 26th (you might have thought we barbecue shrimp prawns, but you would be mistaken, prawns are better pan-fried with garlic), so I guess I will also need to un-bury the barbecue from the front yard, which is a foot deep in snow as of this morning.

Actually, it could make for a rather amusing visual, so I’ll think about doing it.

In the meantime, please watch this brilliant commercial:

There ya go, mate.

This video got complaints from more of those crybabies I was chewing out yesterday, but the thing about crybabies is, they’re really easy to beat because they have a terrible diet and are generally weedy and lack conviction.

Fuck you, crybabies.

This has been a public service announcement from Hatboy’s Hatstand.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
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14 Responses to Lamb

  1. dreameling says:

    The idea of an Australian special forces team choppering to Sotunki, crashing through your roof (and presumably the attic) into your kitchen, grabbing you, and then getting confused about whether they should also grab Wump and Toop… is hilarious.

    • stchucky says:

      I also like the idea of them looking at that big intel board, seeing me standing knee-deep in snow with icicles coming out of my nose while I barbecue lamb and the Australian flag flutters bravely in the snow behind me, and nodding in approval before moving on to the next expat.

      • dreameling says:

        That is indeed one photo we must see here. (You obviously already took an action point on that, so we’re good. But you may need to set it up early just in case there’s no snow on the 26th!)

    • brknwntr says:

      I picture more that in the middle of the night he is woken by the sounds of a bullroarer telling him to gather with the other Aussies at either Aussie Bar or Woolshed for evacuation. Where he and the other TRUE Australians are forced to fight off a few would be hangers on Kiwi.*

      Or alternatively, don’t either of these places do a food special? It would be logical, and might save you time and effort with the BBQ.

      *Obviously not a hoard, that would involve, coordination and discipline, instead of being general lazy gits.

      • stchucky says:

        Or alternatively, don’t either of these places do a food special? It would be logical, and might save you time and effort with the BBQ.

        Probably, but I have no interest in being around other Australians on Australia Day. And if it’s not off my own barbecue, it’s nothin’.

        *Obviously not a hoard, that would involve, coordination and discipline, instead of being general lazy gits.

        Actually, if it was a hoard it would probably involve treasure.

        The word you want is horde. It’s a homophone.

      • brknwntr says:

        Oh god, I am now googling to see if that is a real reference, and if it’s not, it needs to be.

      • stchucky says:

        Start with The Adventures of Brisco County Junior. Although no, sad to say the “Yo Brisco” series of screencap jokes are not actual references to in-show dialogue.

      • brknwntr says:

        I have never heard of this, I will investigate.

      • stchucky says:

        A true classic.

        I was quite proud of this joke though, as it is my own creation (the overlap between professional language geeks and Brisco fans being surprisingly broad). Pete, the guy in the final frame, is the bad guy with a phobia of people touching his gun, or “Pete’s Piece” as he calls it.

        THE LEVELS

      • dreameling says:

        Brilliant. Brilliant. 🙂 I got tears in my eyes.

  2. aaronthepatriot says:

    I’m so fucking hungry now, I could eat that vegan. Sadly, I didn’t see much meat on it/him. Anyone crying about that video has no sense of humor because IT IS COMEDY. And it is NOT offensive, here I actually accept the misused statement “offense is never given, only taken”. It was definitely not given in that awesome video.

  3. Pingback: Lamb of God | Hatboy's Hatstand

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