Star Wars again

Well, I stumbled on this post yesterday, and it officially became the dumbest thing I have seen (so far!) about the new Star Wars movie.

I don’t normally link to waste-of-bandwidth stories because I don’t like to grant them even the minimal free publicity my modest little blog enables. And I’m well aware of my (rather unexpected, actually) wilful blindness as regards this movie. I don’t mind about that. Cracked recently released a video slamming Doctor Who for its utter nonsensicality, and that didn’t make me mad. This article didn’t either, but I found it aggravating on a different level.

But go ahead, go and read it if you want.

I’ll summarise: In the above article, a moron is totally triggered because some billions of NPCs are killed by the bad guys and the audience cares more about Han and Ben’s final confrontation.

I may be misrepresenting. I don’t know, I’ve been back to re-check the article several times but it is the most appalling mess of litwank I have seen in years. They’re really, really reaching to find stuff to hate about this movie, and they don’t need to. There’s plenty of stuff you can legitimately complain about, and a lot of the real movie lovers out there (Red Letter, Cinemasins, Screen Junkies, all the real enthusiasts) have done so. I even watched an hour and a half of movie fight between someone who thought Episode VII was the best of the lot, someone who thought it was middle of the road, and someone who thought I, II and III were the best (I know, right?).

There’s heaps to criticise here, is my point, if that’s really what you want to do. If you want to belittle the people who aren’t interested in criticising a movie, though, you might want to do it better than this.

So, yeah. We have a hilarious article where Bitchy McCollegewhine criticises a movie for … what, drawing on its foundation material and previous instalments? I get that there’s a huge unseen investment between Kylo Ren and his parents[1], and the viewer fills that in with what he or she knows about Han and Leia and the rest of the Star Wars story, but – hang on, are you complaining about them being white males?

[1] In fact, the many small ways in which the movie leans on the older established story is one of the reasons I’m really interested in going to see this with Mr. BRKN. But seriously, you don’t need to know anything about Star Wars to put your own assumptions and responses onto a dysfunctional / estranged father-son relationship.

Anyway, moving on. Then Bitchy McCollegewhine cried because of the planets full of people that were destroyed, and how we “ignore” that because of the poignant Han-Ben scene, and this is “perfectly American … We don’t care about the blown-up planets, because they’re not us.”

I mean, holy crap. I’m pretty tough on the US sometimes, but even I wouldn’t go that far.

Maybe I’m sensitive about this precise issue because Bitchy McCollegewhine’s interpretation of how despicable the “kill the cat” trope is makes my own science fiction sound terrible[2]. I’m literally depopulating the galaxy and asking readers to care about ten people running around on a single starship, trying to survive. Apparently, this is wrong because all those other trillions of people need to be acknowledged.

[2] Not “terrible” as in “badly written”, although that certainly comes into it in the sense that it is lazy. I mean “terrible” as in “you are a terrible person”.

Maybe they do. Maybe that sort of destruction and mass-murder needs a moment in order to concede the perspective it should be giving us. I hope, selfishly, that I’ve managed to do that at least a little bit. But maybe it is worth thinking about.

Bitchy McCollegewhine is still a twit, though.

Top comments (for restoration of sanity purposes):

“What a piece of navel-gazing self-aggrandizing piece of psychobabbling malarkey.”

“I gave up halfway through this dreck. Stop trying to psychoanalyze everything, and stop trying to prove how much smarter you think you are vs. the rest of us peons who enjoyed the movie for what it was.”

“It’s so funny to watch people twist themselves out of shape about this movie. Have you nothing better to write about?”

“Go shed your tears over the destroyed planets and stop bugging us. We don’t care about your issues.”

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9 Responses to Star Wars again

  1. Jonathan says:

    That’s kinda what Salon is all about – intense college mcbitchfests. They’re the people that show up to a group having a good time and, despite nobody asking, proceed to loudly sigh and explain why the thing they like is actually bland, or worse, racist, imperialist, and problematic. All cause they heard it in college this past semester.

    They’re basically this guy:

    What’s funny though is that these people, despite all the pretense of looking deeper, completely stumble in the first paragraph: Rey spends the entire movie looking for a teacher, not rejecting it. It’s even the climax of the film!

    Although my favorite shakes-head-and-chuckles-oh-dear comment comes from the comment section to this one:

    “My mind was blown in the Vice comparison to proxy wars in Syria. That would have had SO much interesting material to work with, but the film doesn’t seem to care about this.”

    I mean, really. Really really.

  2. dreameling says:

    I’m still debating internally whether I want to read that article. Sounds like shit and really just a waste of time by your comments.

    Anyways, somewhat related, at the other end of the inanity spectrum we have the extreme-MRA reaction to the movie:

    (That’s a link to an article about the MRA shit, not the MRA shit itself.)

    Incidentally, the Return Of Kings people are the same dudes who got upset about Max Max.

    • stchucky says:

      The article itself wasn’t that triggering or awful – like I said, it even gave me something to think about (although I was really looking for a positive take-away after pouring my time into it). But that MRA-related article, that’s gold.

    • stchucky says:

      “How, he asks, could Australian director George Miller have so ruined and rewritten George Miller’s creation in such a way that so blatantly disregards this Australian franchise’s proud American heritage? America is where men live.”

      So good.


      “While Clarey admits that he has not actually seen Fury Road—obviously not wanting to have his penis ripped off and replaced with a Betty Friedan book—he just knows that the film is feminist propaganda from seeing the previews, which prominently feature Charlize Theron’s character, Furiosa, talking and doing things.”


    • aaronthepatriot says:

      Actually I agree with a lot of the complaints in the article about the plot, but I recognize they are (hopefully) intentionally leaving out the backstory for now.

      As to the issue of my emotional focus, I agree with Hatboy. Fuck this guy. And who is he to tell me I didn’t give a shit about the planets being wiped out? I fucking did! So fuck him. I was really fucking pissed at the First Order for being genocidal maniacs. Also in the opening scene. Fuck him for telling me what I didn’t focus on.

  3. Pingback: Interlude: Rogue One, Part One | Hatboy's Hatstand

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