The First Feast, Part 1

Day 11. 42 pages, 17,080 words.

The legendary first message between the Fleet and Earth, in which the Molren were translated as telling humanity, “be quiet. Be quiet or they’ll hear you,” rightly went down in history as some of the most famous and important words of all time. Certainly, in the great and ongoing story of inter-species communication it was a true classic. Even if it was something of a standard template for the Molren.

What usually goes untold is the reply, which – as a complete process, starting from about the moment world leaders heard the message to the drafting of the official transmitted response – went something like this.

“Be quiet? Be quiet?”

“How dare they?”

“Do they know who we are?”

Be quiet?”

“Do they think we’re children? What do they think this is? A game of hide and seek?”

“Who do they think they are, talking to us like that?”

“Obviously not big fans of freedom of speech.”

“They actually said be quiet?”

“They come out of nowhere, knowing nothing about us, and they have the temerity to tell us to be quiet?”

“Oh I’m sorry, spacemen, were you trying to sleep? Did our noisy little life-and-liberty party over here keep you awake? Ooh, better call the police. Hello, obviously you’re new here; we’re human beings. Welcome to the neighbourhood.”

“What if we’re not quiet? What then? What are they going to do about it? What are they going to do if we keep on saying what we want, when we want?”

“More to the point, how are we meant to reply to them if we have to be quiet?”

“Be quiet?”

“Obviously it’s a test.”

“Well, they failed.”

Be quiet?”

“Is this a declaration of war?”

“Be quiet?”

“Would you stop saying that over and over again, Neill? It’s starting to make you sound like a slow learner.”

“How dare you speak to me like that? Did it even occur to you that I am the leader of a nation of a hundred and fifty million people, and will not be spoken to like-”

“Oh big deal with your hundred and fifty million, my nation loses that many citizens in a decent-sized sinkhole collapse…”

“Only because your public health and safety agency is the most corrupt group of carrion-eaters to foul the Earth in five hundred years, Gale.”

“Don’t think you can throw slanderous accusations like that around without consequences and repercussions, Neill.”

“Is that a threat?”

“Oh, come now, would I threaten the leader of a nation of a hundred and fifty million people…”

“Alright, I think we’ve heard enough. You there, science-boy, put all that in diplomatic for us. Leave out that last bit of dick-waving between Gale and Neill, and make sure to mention our vigilance and readiness.”

“Well, I never-”

“Yes, Mister President.”

“Dick-waving, really…”

“I take exception to that, as a freeform feminine manifestation of will in a biology-assigned-”

“And mention Jalah, and the eternal and invincible Pinian Disciples and this being a sovereign realm of the yadda-yadda, goodness and justice, make it impressive as Hell. See how they feel about shushing us after that.”

This entry was posted in Astro Tramp 400, The Book of Pinian and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to The First Feast, Part 1

  1. I don’t know. But if it’s an epic battle of good and evil you can bet there are cats involved somewhere.
    Original text:

    This is Douglas Adams kind of awesome. Truly, humanity at its finest.

  2. aaronthepatriot says:

    Wait Earthlings knew about the Pinians but not the Molren? I’m trying to figure out how this could be….

    And, the Bonshoon should totally elaborate with a “STFU” (I don’t think Molren would stoop to that).

    And, good use of temerity! As opposed to a (n otherwise very good) book I just read which used “temerity” when it meant “timidity”. Easy to confuse, disastrous results.

    • stchucky says:

      Wait Earthlings knew about the Pinians but not the Molren? I’m trying to figure out how this could be….

      Indeed. Good luck with that!

      And, the Bonshoon should totally elaborate with a “STFU” (I don’t think Molren would stoop to that).

      Heh, I wonder if the Molren ever let the other subspecies take the wheel for the occasional first contact. Might be fun.

      And, good use of temerity! As opposed to a (n otherwise very good) book I just read which used “temerity” when it meant “timidity”. Easy to confuse, disastrous results.

      Good grief.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        “Wait Earthlings knew about the Pinians but not the Molren? I’m trying to figure out how this could be….”

        ‘Indeed. Good luck with that!’

        I was hoping for something other than luck.

      • stchucky says:

        Mmm, hope is also good.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        I feel like these responses are more suited to me saying “hey, you fucked up. Fix this.” Instead of “help me understand”. If you heard the first, my bad. If I wanted to say it I would have.

        How many people have read your Pinian draft books, by the way?

      • stchucky says:

        I feel like these responses are more suited to me saying “hey, you fucked up. Fix this.” Instead of “help me understand”. If you heard the first, my bad. If I wanted to say it I would have.

        My responses are more about me saying “good question but this is quite intentional and planned, you’re going to have to read and find out” instead of “tish and pish to your nitpicking, worship my enigmatic authorial genius.” So let’s chalk it up to another cross-communication.

        How many people have read your Pinian draft books, by the way?

        Including me?

        Two.

        So that might explain some of your confusion…

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Well, thank you for that! I do have one more question, a simpler one I think: Weren’t the Molren Earth’s “First Contact” in your universe?

      • stchucky says:

        Weren’t the Molren Earth’s “First Contact” in your universe?

        That’s … not actually a simple question. But I suppose the short answer is yes, this is the story of First Contact, and it’s the Fleet, represented dominantly by Molren. So … yeah, it’s more complicated than that, but there’s the short answer.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s