I sat down with Mrs. Hatboy to watch this profoundly silly movie on Thursday night. In the process, we enjoyed one of our first genuine “turning into my parents” moments, as Mrs. Hatboy was sure she’d seen the movie (is there another movie about a virus outbreak in Scotland so the government builds a wall and everything goes utterly insane up there and then a team goes in looking for a cure?), but I remain convinced I would have remembered this shit.
And by “this shit”, I mean this shit.
Still, maybe it was during one of my more sleep-deprived or feverish or drunken evenings, and I just didn’t remember. That happens. Let’s move on. We watched it again, anyway.
There’s really not much I can say about Doomsday. Of course, it wasn’t really Mad Max – it just turned out to apparently really want to be, about an hour in. And I’m talking a serious, all-consuming need here. It was as though it aimed, prophetically, somewhere between The Road Warrior and Fury Road, and did its darnedest to make a movie of which Miller would be proud. Instead of a movie of which Miller would say “ha ha ha, oh that movie.” (not an actual quote)
It was, however, a movie in which Alexander Siddig would gladly appear. And even more gladly shoot himself in the head to escape. Spoilers.
So, I think I already summarised this one but let’s just say that there was a zombie apocalypse in Scotland, and – when everyone finally noticed it was happening – they rebuilt Hadrian’s Wall and left the population to die, meanwhile something something, overcrowding in the rest of Great Britain, then more outbreaks found, Bob Hoskins sends a team of massively over-equipped and underqualified xenomorph-hunters – led by that woman who did the Underworld movies after Kate Beckinsale stopped – into Scotland to find a cure. Team is demolished, cannibalistic Mad Maxery with a hint of Waterworld ensues, a bunch of utterly irrelevant characters turn out to be related to each other, Malcolm McDowell takes the whole “Hadrian’s Wall” thing too far and somehow recreates a medieval society in one of Scotland’s many castles, then some other stuff, some fights, a chase scene, the cure gets delivered and the guy who the first half of the movie kept insisting was the bad guy gets his comeuppance, and the main character goes off to continue living in crazy Scotland.
I don’t know, that was the movie. There were no really great performances in it, although Malcolm McDowell was evidently having fun.
I particularly liked the part where he used his robot spinning-blender-knife-hand to cut up … oh, my bad, that’s the wrong movie.
Really, what was with this movie? Was it a comedy? It started out seriously, but it sort of wound up with one of the bad guys’ heads flying and screaming into the camera lens at the end, so it had to be a comedy, right? But the first half, no. Not a comedy. Serious business.
From Dusk Till Dawn, that’s what it was like. A serious, if not very gripping movie, suddenly going what-the-fuckwards in a big hurry. Except it didn’t happen so fast in this one. It was a slow, stately descent into what-the-fuckery.
“Pardon me, ma’am, would you have a moment to talk about MasterBlaster, who rules Bartertown?”
Some interesting facts from IMDB:
- Did you know Alexander Siddig is actually Malcolm McDowell’s nephew? Apparently true.
- Two of the characters were actually named “Miller” and “Carter” to pay homage to respective Mad Max and Escape from New York film-makers. Also the similarity to Aliens was lampshaded to make it look intentional and clever rather than coincidental and annoying.
These two facts were more interesting than the movie. That’s all I’ve got. Doomsday was hilarious, but it wasn’t Slither hilarious.