The Conundrum

“Riddle me this, Hatboy.”

“Must I?”

“Why do you never see a movie where the lone wolf complains to the chief that he doesn’t want a partner, and then the chief yells at him but ultimately admits that working alone is a good idea, and then the rookie guy tries to get the lone wolf to look at the new evidence that will blow the lid off the whole thing but the lone wolf tells him he’s still just a college boy, and the rookie gives up and goes back to school and ends up going into accounting and ends up working for the Commissioner, and the lone wolf fails to solve the crime but it’s okay because they pin it on a minority, and the lone wolf goes on to become chief and then he meets up with the Commissioner for brunch and the rookie is there and they talk about old times, then it becomes clear that the Commissioner is the bad guy and the old evidence would have blown the lid off the whole thing, and they agree to cover it up for the sake of their careers, and then later on there’s this new cop who reopens the case and the lone wolf who is now chief tells the rookie to partner up with this lone wolf type, but the lone wolf refuses and the chief yells but then ultimately admits that working alone a good idea, and the whole failure happens again and the Commissioner turns out to be Satan and the crime turns out to be the serpent and the apple using a bunch of disposable wolf and rookie pawns over the centuries and Cain was the first lone wolf and Abel was the first rookie and the crime has changed over and over again throughout the years but never been solved-”



“How much longer is this question going to go on?”

“I have several pages of notes-”

“Yool, the grossly buff Christmas tree who has been here the whole time, and I just want to watch the movie. Can we watch the movie?”

“Do you think it’s likely to be the movie I just asked about us never getting to see?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Then I’m not sure I want to watch it.”

“But it’s Bungee Wrestling III: The Puddening.”

“Oh. Well then, okay.”

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
This entry was posted in Creepy and Hatboy Save the World and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to The Conundrum

  1. dreameling says:

    You know, I’ve really missed these two.

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