Interlude: Customer service

Day 43. 160 pages, 75,287 words. Let’s assume nothing major done this weekend either, although I am chipping away and this will probably be reflected by a big jump early next week. At this rate it looks like I will be done well ahead of my 70-day deadline.

I don’t think I have ever registered a customer complaint due to a defective product. Oh, I have exchanged items that broke before their warranty expired, and I’ve complained unofficially about jerk-arse shipping companies that fail to deliver items in a convenient manner. And I’ve done a lot of bitching about Verkkokauppa and their shithouse service and complete inability to meet the customer halfway when they clearly need to be giving them a new item (seriously, fuck Verkkokauppa).

And okay, when I’ve gotten broken stuff on Amazon and even a hilariously misprinted book cover from my publishers, I got new stuff. So okay, I suppose I have done my share of highly-rewarding complaining. Anyway, I don’t care. Let me share another one with you.

Over the past few years, I have occasionally received a box of Dansac colostomy bags that have a glitch in them. Now don’t worry (or get excited, you sicko), it’s not the spectacular failure you might be picturing – just a problem with the soft cover on the outside of the bag. It peels off, leaving just the heavy-duty plastic which is not very comfortable even without the loose remains of the bag cover hanging like dead skin. Anyway, it wasn’t a huge issue, but it seemed like every now and then I would get a box where the whole run was flawed.

I should explain that I get bags, 30 to a box, and 8 or 9 boxes, every 6 months or so. They’re delivered to my supply station and they hold them for me until I call up and say I’m all out, then they let me know I can come and pick them up. It’s a bit of a cumbersome procedure, but hey. It’s free. I’ve also complained about KELA from time to time, in case you missed it. The point is, Dansac send the boxes to my supplier, and my supplier send them on to me through the ongoing health service.

Now, since I was a bit irritated by these flawed bags and just knew that as soon as I tried to tell anyone at KELA or the hospital about the issue I would be drowned in pointless paperwork, I sent an e-mail directly to the Dansac team from their global website Contacts page.

It’s not that if I don’t use them, I will run out of bags too soon and the supplier will cut me off, which is what seems to happen in the UK and other third-world countries. I’m pretty sure they’d just keep sending me bags whenever I say I’m out. But I didn’t want to have to advance my delivery schedule on account of a flawed product. Plus, this way, I can hold onto the slightly-inconvenient but still perfectly operational bags, and send them to my buddy Patrick in Kenya. Because they have it even worse than the poor slobs in the UK, seriously.

After a couple of very simple and very friendly e-mails back and forth with the Dansac people, in which I gave them the serial number of the flawed run of bags and sent a couple of pictures of the cover-less bags, they promised to send me two new boxes free of charge. And on Friday morning they arrived by courier. No fuss, no muss.

I just thought it would be nice to mention a company that actually got this shit right for once. The fact that they’re a colostomy bag company is just icing on the cake.

You are now imagining a cake with poo icing.

Have a nice weekend.

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5 Responses to Interlude: Customer service

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    So nice that you send your defective shit to Kenya *smri*. This is why I don’t like the advice they give us these days about giving items to charity, of “if you wouldn’t wear it, don’t donate it”, I mean, if it functions, it functions, no? That sort of absolute rule is silly. And of course, you *would* use it, but I still think this goes against that poor advice we’ve read here and there.

    Also, since you mentioned Denis Leary in email to me, I have to say: “Love me tender, love me true! Bring me my colostomy bag! *hubbbbra hurrrrgha* Where’s Mary Magdeleine, I need a blowjob! *hugrrggra*” (sp? on the sound effects). That’s what I got out of this post.

    • stchucky says:

      You jest, but I did consider the … what would you call it? Rudeness? Condescension? Disrespect? … of sending my loose-cover bags to the needy.

      I will still ask my buddy Patrick about it, but I’m pretty sure when his patients are crapping in tin cans and twentieth-time-used pieces of garbage bag taped to their stomachs, they’re not going to turn their noses up at 95% flawless merchandise. So yeah, I agree with you. The “if you wouldn’t use it, don’t donate it” rule is a fucking disgrace and I’m glad I’ve never heard of it.

      The simple fact is, I have been using these bags, right up until I thought I might be able to get free ones sent to me. And because I live in a first world capitalist consumer utopia, I was able to. Which meant I either threw away the slightly flawed bags, or I sent them to people who had to pay for every bag out of their own pockets. And could not afford to. No-brainer.

      Now if it was rotten food, or bags with actual holes in, of course I’d accept the “don’t donate it” rule.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Well, I mean…just HOW big holes are we talking? Cuz, as you say, crapping in tin cans and garbage bags…. I could go either way on that one. Yeesh.

      • stchucky says:

        Well, exactly. I’m thinking that a donation of a crate-full of bags that someone at the warehouse poked a forklift through, and a couple of rolls of duct tape, would probably still be welcome.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        OMFGLMAOAPAOM (blast from the past)

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