Discarded Blog Ideas (#2)

Day 4. 39 pages, 16,757 words.

Not every blog post can be a winner. Here’s another special behind-the-scenes look at some of the off-cuts and rejects from the Hatstand’s Editorial Department.

Ooh, What Made That Booger?: A scientific look at the environmental and physiological buildup to an epic bit of nose-crackling.

Confessions of a Stock Photo Model: A searing and insightful look into the life of Mike Wizzby, a 34-year-old male model who specialises in picture-frame and wallet stock photographs. A ferris-wheel ride of B-list celebrities seen at a local convention, prescription drugs and unadventurous sex with his fiancée, Kerry.

Holding Out for a Hero: New stream-of-consciousness styled rant sequence, each episode between 1,000 and 8,500 words in length, in this case about wanting to eat a sandwich.

Does It Fit?: Part 1 of a new web series.

I Had Time: Three hundred pictures of fruits and vegetables with moustaches photoshopped onto them.

Plot Holes: First in a new series of blog posts featuring retellings of well-known movie plots – if there had been a pothole in the road early on during a driving scene and the main character had hurt his or her neck in the process of driving over it. Put on hold until a more interesting approach than the occasional “X rubs his or her neck and says ‘fuck’” annotation to the script can be found.

My Mediocre Life: A random selection of sentences I read or heard in the course of a single day, pasted onto inspirational backgrounds using MS Paint.

Falling Down: Mundane instances of people tripping and falling, taken from real life and told in patent-pending Dull-o-BlandTM format.

Falling Down 2: Getting Up: A sequel to Falling Down.

Falling Down 3: Doing Something That Will Probably Make You Fall Down: A prequel to Falling Down.

Falling Cunt First: A gritty reboot to Falling Down.

The Eighties: A Regretrospective: Ground-breaking documentary looking back at different periods of history and basically just apologising to everybody involved, and saying ‘Jesus’ every time the scene changes.

These Irredeemably Fucked Creatures: David Attenborough voice-clips pasted together and dubbed over a montage of human-caused environmental disasters, making it sound like Attenborough is getting some sort of sadistic pleasure out of seeing animals suffer.

Where Am I?: The hilarious story of an action figure inserted in a man’s rectum, told in Toy Story style from the action figure’s perspective.

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