Grand Long Weekend of Movie Reviews, 4 of 4: Autómata

In this, the final film of the mini-marathon and my final review of the long weekend, I am beginning to run out of time and steam and that basically reflects how I went into this movie as well. It was getting late and I had a lot of jalapeño pizza and snacks and alcohol under my belt. But anyway, let’s do it.

Awesome photo that never really happened in movie.

This movie has way better publicity stills than it deserves. But at least it has them. You can look at them and see the movie they were trying to make.

My immediate thought, on seeing the Pilgrim robots and the opening scenes of this movie, was oh my fucking God, this is a movie adaptation of Scud: The Disposable Assassin starring Antonio Banderas, hnnnnggnnhghhhghgggh.

Scud? No.

Right? See? Oh my fucking God, BRB nerdjaculating again.

Then the pink foggy haze of geek-gasm passed, and I found myself watching Autómata.

Apologetic Antonio.

Antonio was soulfully apologetic about this, so I forgave him.

Now, it wasn’t bad, in a really-wants-to-be-BladeRunner-right-down-to-the-see-through-raincoats sort of way, but absolutely lost on grounds of the sex-bots not being Daryl Hannah.

Plastic fever

“You do my girlfriend in all those positions? You got plastic fever, boy! All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.” Sorry. Not really, I’d do it again in a second.

Basically, this was a movie that didn’t seem to know what it wanted to say or do. It had some great themes about post-apocalyptic callousness and the direction of human culture and society, not to mention some nice ideas about emergent artificial intelligence and how, exactly, we define life. But then it had an extended period of Antonio Banderas not really seeming to care that he was dying of radiation poisoning in the desert, and a robot cockroach, and none of the people really having any idea how to deal with apparently-benevolent self-aware machines.

Like, no idea. At all.

And Robert Forster’s hair gets weirder and more difficult to ignore every time he stars in a new movie. This time, his scalp looked like he’d had a wig glued on there and then it had been ripped off by some sort of hilarious accident that might make the DVD worth buying just for the blooper reel. I spent several minutes theorising that he might be a next-generation robot with an attempted RealDollTM hair plug look.

Explain this hair.

Turns out that’s not what was happening, which is sad. I’m going to pretend it was what was happening, because that makes this hair almost make sense.
In case you hadn’t noticed, I spent a lot of this mini-marathon watching movies I actually wasn’t watching.

And the less said about the former Mrs. Banderas and her awful plastic RealDollTM face, the better. I’m not even going to include a picture here, but suffice it to say I wanted her to be a robot in this as well, but she wasn’t.

Oh, and Captain Darling was in it, and didn’t do a terrible job at being a USian bad guy, although occasionally his accent did slip. I managed to take him semi-seriously because he was such a cool villain in that Doctor Who episode with the Ood.

So the movie happened, and again there was a Planet of the Apes-esque radiation zone, and some cool social commentary and a really nice line about violent apes. And the movie ended.

My brain.

And this was sort of what my head looked like when it did. Yes, I was crying jizz because of that whole Scud thing.

All in all I’m not sure what to make of this movie, but it was fun to watch and I guess if you wanted to philosophise about it, you could take a swing at doing so. But there are better commentaries about artificial intelligence out there in movie-land.

Apologetic Antonio.

Oh Antonio. I can’t stay mad at you.
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