The Snip

I don’t consider this particularly delicate or personal information, although it’s certainly as intimate as it really gets. Sometimes the strange social and psychological buildup of neuroses and taboos amuse me. And anyone who has read Arsebook will know that I don’t have much in the way of filters for my bodily functions and the work that is going on around them.

So anyway, I’m going for a vasectomy, just as soon as I can arrange a suitable time and find out a bit more about it (hilariously, the doctor I’m going to consult with about this next week is named Castrén, which is just … wow). Some of the people I have told about this have displayed a strange sort of shock and discomfort at the idea. Probably more at the idea that I am telling them, than anything else.

But really, I’m not all that conflicted about this. I have two amazing children and I am now at an age where I couldn’t really conceive (boom boom) of starting again with a third. If things go bad with Mrs. Hatboy and I for some reason take up with someone else and we decide to have kids, that’s just … okay, it’s technically in the bounds of possibility but I consider it so vanishingly (not to mention horrifyingly) unlikely at this stage in my life, that it’s not something I’m factoring into my plans.

And I would still be a near-middle-aged guy trying to raise a bunch of new kids, and that would still be a terrible idea considering my personality and temper. No, I’m done. Biological function fulfilled, expression of my love for Mrs. Hatboy and my desire to create little blendings of her genes and mine to send forward into the future … expressed. Gorgeously, flawlessly expressed.

Now, frankly, I just want to do Mrs. Hatboy without having to fumble around with condoms. I am thirty-six years of age.

So, it’s time.

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34 Responses to The Snip

  1. brknwntr says:

    We will discuss this further. I WANT THIS! The Wife, not so much.

    • thelinza says:

      There’s a reversal surgery available in America. Reverse it when you’re ready to have kids. You can even do a cost comparison by extrapolating the money you spend on condoms and comparing to the cost of both the surgeries.

      • stchucky says:

        Given the cost of surgeries in the US, I’m having a hard time believing that even a prolific condom-packet-per-week habit for ten years would measure up against the ludicrous towering blowout that the US health care system would hit you with. But I honestly have no idea.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        “Given the cost of surgeries in the US, I’m having a hard time believing that even a prolific condom-packet-per-week habit for ten years would measure up against the ludicrous towering blowout that the US health care system would hit you with. But I honestly have no idea.”

        You are quite right, sir, ludicrous is indeed the word. The reversal surgery, which is completely not covered by health care (why should it be, I guess?), costs from $5,000 to $10,000. I don’t know how much condoms run but if they were a dollar each, and you had sex EVERY day, it would take, what, 12-13 years at least to break even there? So, condoms are FAR less expensive, as of course are IUDs which *are* covered by insurance. Cost considerations, you know, have to be weighed as well.

        And that’s not *even* addressing the fact that Vasectomies can fail to prevent pregnancy. Yes, they can. So my wife, for example, would probably want a condom or something else anyway (she’s said as much and this was part of the decision, not that I need to explain our decision to anyone) so, fat lot of good that Vasectomy is doing us, eh? And *that’s* not even taking into account that sometimes, YES, getting a vasectomy messes your penis up, temporarily or permanently. I didn’t delve into the details of why, if it’s a botched procedure or what, but that’s no fun for anyone. If you’re considering one, look into it. I don’t need to….yet. Probably in a couple of years.

        And the same goes for the reversal. Sometimes it doesn’t work, sometimes it messes your penis up.

        A lot more I could say but I will not. You said it very well, Saint Chucky, that we shouldn’t be gainsaying each other’s intra-marital decisions from positions of near-complete ignorance. That’s definitely not the royal we, yet, IMO but anyway. Enough of that.

      • thelinza says:

        Condoms plus the estrogen antagonist birth control pills that I have to smuggle in from other countries because no company would ever bring them to the FDA to get approved (not profitable). Plus the possibility of having to fly out of state to find a doctor to provide an abortion, even in the first 6 weeks.

      • thelinza says:

        I am super annoyed to learn about the cost of vasectomy reversal surgeries. That’s like the cost of having a kid in an American hospital.

  2. aaronthepatriot says:

    Well, I fully agree on all your points. But no one messes with Little Patriot (damn I have got to come up with a better name[1]) in a harmful way. And I know, it’s not RIGHT on him, but there’s a 1 foot safety zone, besides, for that rule.

    [1] Freedom?

    As for your final point, IUDs are your friend, my friend.[2]

    [2] Not to be confused with IEDs.

    All this said, I might eventually go there. Just…not ready now. Nope.

    • stchucky says:

      I’m going to wait for a female opinion (preferably a female not married to Little Patriot’s big drama-queen alter ego) on IUDs before deciding if they’re my friend. Because something (that strikes me as) invasive, unpleasant and impermanent is not my friend just because it’s happening to someone who isn’t me.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        1. It was a joke
        2. It’s not your friend *because* of those things, but *in spite* of them. Emphasis on spite, if you want.
        3. Numbered lists are annoying.
        4. Previous comment amended to “women who are willing to have IUDs are your friend, my friend”.
        5. Happy Hump Day
        6. Yes, I could go on.

      • stchucky says:

        1. It was a joke
        2. It’s not your friend *because* of those things, but *in spite* of them. Emphasis on spite, if you want.
        3. Numbered lists are annoying.
        4. Previous comment amended to “women who are willing to have IUDs are your friend, my friend”.
        5. Happy Hump Day
        6. Yes, I could go on.

        No need, you had me at “It was a joke”.

        Although next time, please consistently punctuate your numbered list.

      • thelinza says:

        IUDs can either be hormonal, and gives a woman the same hormone as pregnancy so to convince her body that she already is pregnant and therefore no more ovulation — and we can all agree that pregnant ladies are at best a little unstable, so why would you want your lady to be unstable.

        OR they are copper, and cause heavy bleeding and discomfort during menstruation.

        They can also fall out, and it is ALWAYS an inappropriate time when it does, because there is no appropriate time for a pointy thing to fall out of one’s vagina.

        IUDs are no one’s friends when there are dependable, safe surgeries to make it permanently possible to have baby-free sex.

        Secondarily, I find the concept of placing contraceptive responsibility solely on the woman to be offensive and selfish, which is why my husband and I are -both- getting snipped.

      • stchucky says:

        IUDs can either be hormonal, and gives a woman the same hormone as pregnancy so to convince her body that she already is pregnant and therefore no more ovulation — and we can all agree that pregnant ladies are at best a little unstable, so why would you want your lady to be unstable.

        OR they are copper, and cause heavy bleeding and discomfort during menstruation.

        They can also fall out, and it is ALWAYS an inappropriate time when it does, because there is no appropriate time for a pointy thing to fall out of one’s vagina.

        IUDs are no one’s friends when there are dependable, safe surgeries to make it permanently possible to have baby-free sex.

        Basically my thoughts on the matter.

        Secondarily, I find the concept of placing contraceptive responsibility solely on the woman to be offensive and selfish, which is why my husband and I are -both- getting snipped.

        That’s your call to make and your opinion to have, and I understand that the first part of this sentence was just a lead-in to the (laudable) second part, just keep in mind that here we have representatives from at least two partnerships where a single person is taking on the contraceptive responsibility – the woman on Aaron’s part, and the man on my part – and in both cases after rational discussion and evaluation of pros and cons. So maybe tone down the “offensive and selfish”?

        I am, however, glad to hear that Mr. thelinza has sorted out his concerns on the matter.

        Also, this was a contraception / sterilisation thread. I would have been disappointed if a certain amount of criticism and defensiveness hadn’t come into it. It would be like I didn’t know you guys at all.

      • thelinza says:

        Sorry. You’re right. I go a little overboard with the judgments.

  3. dreameling says:

    Now, frankly, I just want to do Mrs. Hatboy without having to fumble around with condoms. I am thirty-six years of age.

    You should’ve just started with that, man. Much relating.

    Anyways, respect. Brave man. I’ve been toying with the idea from time to time, but I’m kinda with Little Patriot, I mean The Patriot, here. No messing around in a harmful way. But I’m guessing once you’ve gone through anus surgery, two tiny snips sack-side is nothing too exiciting.

    Little Patriot

    I first read that as “Little Parrot”. Not sure why, but that’s funny. Oh, crap, now I’m imagining… aargh.

    • stchucky says:

      Yeah, I’ve been there and done that with all the surgery-related nerve damage and allied mechanical issues. Also, lead nutsafe. The snip is no danger and therefore not a source of hand-flapping for me.

      I first read that as “Little Parrot”

      Hilariously, Big Parrot mindlessly repeats everything Little Parrot says, over and over.

  4. thelinza says:

    I’m getting snipped soon because I’m 30 and Uncle Sam no longer has legal grounds to bitch about my autonomy! YAAAAAAY!

    • aaronthepatriot says:

      Well I hope no one is assuming contraceptive responsibility in my household was “placed” on any party or parties. Instead it was a discussion and a decision was reached. This decision was revisited 5 years later and the same decision was made again, without coercion thank you very much.

      Hormonal IUDs…hmm, yes they trick your body into thinking you are pregnant, but my wife likes it because she has no periods, no menstruation, and hers can be quite painful. So, let everyone do what they wish and don’t make judgments about their contraceptive decisions, I say.

      We very much thought we’d be having another child, so the IUD made a lot more sense than snipping, the reversal of which is quite costly. Now, however, I think we decided we’ll just stick with the two we have and not wear ourselves out anymore. So, we’ll see what comes next. Either way, it will be handled as a couple, not as a talking point.

      • stchucky says:

        Well I hope no one is assuming contraceptive responsibility in my household was “placed” on any party or parties. Instead it was a discussion and a decision was reached. This decision was revisited 5 years later and the same decision was made again, without coercion thank you very much.

        Of course there was a discussion! And I’m sure the Little Parrot and his “1 foot safety zone” didn’t have any bearing on that discussion at all!

        Seriously though, the mild sardonity in my responses to you above are as judgemental as I intend to get. And it was meant light-heartedly. Naturally everyone’s opinions and situations are going to be different and there are so many factors in a decision like this that it is ludicrous to hold one couple to the situation and standards of another.

        Which is sort of what made your IUD “joke” worth commenting on in the first place, but it was a good icebreaker and I thank you.

        Hormonal IUDs…hmm, yes they trick your body into thinking you are pregnant, but my wife likes it because she has no periods, no menstruation, and hers can be quite painful. So, let everyone do what they wish and don’t make judgments about their contraceptive decisions, I say.

        We very much thought we’d be having another child, so the IUD made a lot more sense than snipping, the reversal of which is quite costly. Now, however, I think we decided we’ll just stick with the two we have and not wear ourselves out anymore. So, we’ll see what comes next. Either way, it will be handled as a couple, not as a talking point.

        Quite so. Mrs. Hatboy was of the same opinion re: IUDs and reversability, and for those planning on revisiting the breeding situation (ie. as use for contraception rather than sterilisation), something a bit more guaranteed-reversible makes sense.

        But again, since this is not the position we are in right now, IUDs are not our friends.

        Women who are willing to have IUDs may well be my friends, I have not inquired or performed any sort of census, but let’s say for the purposes of this discussion that they are strictly platonic friends. Although if I was going to get myself a bit of trim on the side, I will definitely remember this thread and go for the woman with the IUD. Because we don’t want any little Jon Tölkkis[1] running around.

        [1] I’ve decided that “Tölkki” is the Vantaa bastard name. It means beer can.

        Good joke though.

        *grin*

    • stchucky says:

      I was interested to hear (albeit second-hand) that one needs to be thirty here in Finland too. Men as well as women. Which … I don’t know, I guess it’s a big step and one can’t expect all tweens to be entirely logical, but all the other biggies happen at eighteen so what the Hell.

      Not my problem, seeing as I waved bye-bye to thirty some time ago.

    • aaronthepatriot says:

      (replying where I can, *rage against the WordPress machine!*) Well said and I appreciate your listening to my points and removing the aspersions you cast on my asparagus[1]. Much obliged.

      [1] Louie Gohmert quote, an actual US Congressman, look it up if you don’t believe me. “Casting aspersions on my asparagus” I am not kidding XD

      Not to pry, please don’t share if you don’t want to, but depending on what you mean by *you* are getting snipped, I would be careful. For some–perhaps all–of the things you could mean by that, premature menopause is a serious and common risk of such operations. At 30, I can hardly imagine you’d want to sign up for that!

      • thelinza says:

        I’ve heard of all of that. If people really want me to not get snipped, they can evict politicians who make it impossible for me to get abortofacients and fix the FDA so my non-hormonal birth control pills can be sold legally in the US.

        I’ve researched the surgery. I’m already on a pill that takes the place of estrogen, and the women in my family reach menopause between 35 and 40 anyway (no joke, I was still living at home when it happened to my mom), so I’m not shortening my life.

        By “getting snipped” I mean having them burn off my fallopian (sp?) tubes. My parts will still all be in there, so it shouldn’t cause as great a hormonal change as if I got them removed– which I still wish they’d do. Every woman in my family gets cancer in one or more lady parts fairly early in adulthood. Instead of developing it and perhaps missing it until it does a lot of damage, it seems like it would be better to continue with the pills I’m on now, and just take the parts out. Defuse the bomb.

        I don’t want to poop into a bag. No offense, Chucky.

        Incidentally, for educational supergoodness, do a Google search on Centchroman. Effective birth control that doesn’t fool one’s body into thinking it’s preggers. Also prescribed to prevent lady-cancers. Prevents cramp-tastic menstruation. After a few months, it usually even prevents periods.

        And it does all this without causing mood swings! It does not, however, prevent acne. 😦

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        “I’ve heard of all of that. If people really want me to not get snipped, they can evict politicians who make it impossible for me to get abortofacients and fix the FDA so my non-hormonal birth control pills can be sold legally in the US.”

        Well said but don’t hold your breath….

        “I’ve researched the surgery. I’m already on a pill that takes the place of estrogen, and the women in my family reach menopause between 35 and 40 anyway (no joke, I was still living at home when it happened to my mom), so I’m not shortening my life. ”

        Yikes. I was more thinking about it shortening your husband’s life due to early menopause, LOL.

        “By “getting snipped” I mean having them burn off my fallopian (sp?) tubes. My parts will still all be in there, so it shouldn’t cause as great a hormonal change as if I got them removed– which I still wish they’d do. Every woman in my family gets cancer in one or more lady parts fairly early in adulthood. Instead of developing it and perhaps missing it until it does a lot of damage, it seems like it would be better to continue with the pills I’m on now, and just take the parts out. Defuse the bomb.”

        It definitely sounds like it. Sounds like we each have pressing reasons for feeling our own particular ways in this topic. Many of ours I haven’t even put out there, in fact. I’d already be in trouble for how much I’ve revealed.

        “I don’t want to poop into a bag. No offense, Chucky.”

        Hey, at least you didn’t say never. Maybe one day one of those politicians will make you want to poop in a bag, you know, for strategic placement later. I must admit, I don’t know if I could ever reach that point, but some people seem to get there.

        “Incidentally, for educational supergoodness, do a Google search on Centchroman. Effective birth control that doesn’t fool one’s body into thinking it’s preggers. Also prescribed to prevent lady-cancers. Prevents cramp-tastic menstruation. After a few months, it usually even prevents periods.”

        That sounds pretty cool…we’re very careful with our contraceptive choices on account of how sometimes when I look at my wife, without protection, she gets pregnant. Coming off the pill, which is supposed to muck things up, we got pregnant in 3 months the first time (so basically in the third ovulation period), and in one month the second time. LOL. So we have to be very very sure, but I’ll look in to that.

        “And it does all this without causing mood swings! It does not, however, prevent acne. ”

        Another issue over here, alas.

  5. aaronthepatriot says:

    *actually it would be at least 14 years of daily sex with expensive condoms to break even. Oh and that’s not even getting into critiquing condom sex. I couldn’t reply to my comment or yours up there, alas.

    • thelinza says:

      Figure in the cost of return airfare to a state where abortion is available, in case one of those condoms breaks.

    • thelinza says:

      My family is here. I grew up here. I live in a liberal city in a conservative state, and honestly I really love the “do whatever you want, just don’t kill anybody” kind of attitude that Texas has about most things. The way people seem to want to control each other with regards to sexuality, reproduction, and religion is new since Reagan.

      I’ll be running for state office at some point to try and undo a lot of this bullshit, or at least prevent it from getting any worse. So, crusade.

      Also, NASA.

      • aaronthepatriot says:

        Go get ’em! Although the government of Texas does seem to kill a heckuva lot of individuals…. I don’t mean to mess with Texas, we all know not to do that, But I’m sure being liberal you’re well aware of that =/

      • thelinza says:

        Everyone dies somehow.

  6. Pingback: Operation Get Your Rocks Off | Hatboy's Hatstand

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