Is this a test?

Day 25. 59 pages, 28,347 words.

The following is an anecdote about a friend of mine, whose job it is to grade tests of an undisclosed and private nature.

Anyway, this friend of mine goes through a sort of an editorial process when the time comes to deliver the grades and comments about these tests.

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Test 1: This test was written by a LOLcat. Wasn’t it? WASN’T IT –

[Edit] Abysmal. The fact that […] wrote the correct number of words in the essay skewed the result. Let me reiterate that. Word count, divorced from content, should not be a factor in deciding the final score of a test. Fortunately it was only a deciding factor between “ungodly fail that should never be” and a mere “massive hideous fail”.

[Edit] Can we rename whoever took this test “Abrams”? Because he tanked.

[Edit] Attention needed in some of the fundamentals. Unfortunately there were a lot of little errors and misunderstandings that dragged the score down, overall there was some good thought behind these answers but it was let down by the technical side.

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Test 2: As I was reading it, I thought this test was better than the last, but in the final analysis it turns out its score is actually worse. Maybe I just lost the will to live as I continued grading, and that dragged down the final tally. Any curiosity I had about how a person might do worse than comprehensive failure has been killed along with my faith in humanity, my sense of boyish wonder, my belief that everybody has the right to express him- or herself through the written word, and for some reason my kidneys. I think they went into sympathetic toxic shock out of misguided solidarity with my eyes.

[Edit] This test was a war crime.

[Edit] This test was a train wreck. A train wreck like in that movie, Super 8, where the train crashes and that seems bad enough, but then one of the carriages bursts open and there’s a giant psychotic alien inside it that destroys the entire town, eats people and steals everyone’s microwaves, only in this analogy the alien is a quasi-anthropomorphic entity of pure illiteracy, and the town is the English language, and the people are punctuation, and there is an alien in every carriage on the train, and the microwaves are my bitter tears of sadness.

[Edit] I have no words.

[Edit] I have no words. No wait, yes I do. They’re just all bad. Sort of like this test.

[Edit] Some serious general language issues throughout, although overall the tone was upbeat and showed a positive attitude and interest in the work.

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