It looks like my master plan for a mind-blowing Christmas Special is going to have to wait until next Christmas. Just too much to do in the next few weeks, I’m not going to have the time to put into it. Not even if I get up early in the mornings, and I have been doing so for the past few days and already know I’m not going to be able to carry on with it. Too tired, brain failing.

I have work to do, and that sustains me through an eight-hour work-day (and the five-hour post-work family time is no problem), but doesn’t leave me with enough for a four-hour pre-work session as well. The past few months I have had two books burning their way out of my head and that’s been fantastic, but … I don’t know, maybe it’s the winter. I can’t write while I walk anymore – too cold – and it’s dark all the time. No solar charging, no bonus writing time in the middle of the day. I can get out at lunchtime for my walk but that’s about it.

So I’m going to have to focus on the job. It’s huge, and it used to be enough. And for now, it sort of has to be enough again, because it pays the bills. But I’m losing the joy of it.

Yesterday was good. I turned off my ‘home’ rig, turned my back on all the peripheral shit, and just got immersed back into it again. And it went well! I just need to do that, now. Again and again and again. See if something comes back.

Today, and tomorrow, are more challenging because I am not going to get to sit and work uninterrupted. I have to hike out to the head office, and the customer office, respectively, and deal with a whole bunch of distraction – and probably added complications, stresses, scope-changes and demands. And the looming worry that this is just too much shit I just don’t want to do. What do I do about that?

Well, not much choice. I do it. I start, and if it becomes apparent that there’s just too much volume, I get backup. That’s always an option. Makes me look bad, but getting the job done and keeping the customer happy is the important thing, not my professional pride and appearance. Still, I don’t think it’s going to come to that. I’m just venting it here, getting the poison out, and preparing to carry on. It’s a big job. That’s all.

I just mean, there won’t be a particularly amazing Christmas Special this year.

Try again in 2015. My master plan will still hold up.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
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7 Responses to Curses

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    Best of luck with all that. I can empathize well with the frustration of the old work getting in the way of the budding NEW work that you really want to focus on but can’t because “fish gotta swim, bird’s gotta eat”, as the pelican wisely told Nemo.

  2. dreameling says:

    And we’ll still be here come Winter 2015, don’t you worry.

  3. dreameling says:

    Really gay group hug, anyone?

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