Interlude: Boomer’s Big Weekend

I was a Good Boy this morning, woke up Mistress so she would know that Little Master was running around outside the house without anyone watching him, which is a Big Bad No Don’t. Then I brought New Master his shoes, or at least one of them which is almost as good, and I think he liked it. He got up and took them and said Words at me, he did not say Good Boy but he did not shout, so I think he was pleased. New Master is the best New Master I have ever met.

Ran around playing the Pew Pew game with Little Master, which was lots of fun. I did poo on the lawn of Get Your Mutt Offa My Lawn, and he didn’t even shout. He was busy looking upwards, but he also looked right at me and then he went back to looking upwards and also playing the Pile Things On Honk Honk Damn Mutt Outta The Road Car, without shouting at all. I think Get Your Mutt Offa My Lawn is warming up to me.

New Master and Mistress were also looking upwards a lot, and they shouted then, but not at me so that was okay, although I get worried when New Master and Mistress shout because I think then I will have to growl but this time I didn’t need to, they said Words and were then happy again, although smelling of fear. I was allowed to do everything I wanted for the rest of the day, playing with Little Master and sometimes Mistress would stop talking on Goddamn Phone and gave me big hugs, which made it the best day ever.

Then Mistress went to the Place she goes and then comes back from smelling of man-in-heat sweat and sometimes of other things. I guarded the house even though there didn’t seem to be anyone around. They had all driven off in their Cars, looking upwards. I hope I get to go in a car soon.

Mistress knew my thoughts! She does this all the time, sometimes when she is at the Place and I wish she would come back, then six or seven hours later she comes back and it is the most amazing thing ever. Well this time was even more incredible, because Mistress took me and Little Master in Rust Bucket Car and she drove very very fast, which was fun because I could smell the world going by. Mistress is so wise.

Just when I thought it could not get any better, Mistress just stopped Rust Bucket Car and went Walkies instead, in the middle of the Cement Car Tube That Smells Of Wee! I was very surprised and thought it was too good to be true, so I was confused for a moment, also there were lots of people all going Walkies and For A Jog, and shouting a lot, but I followed where Mistress called for me and then I climbed on a car and nobody Told Me Off, and I jumped and nobody said No Jumping, although it was very noisy for a while nobody was shouting at me and then Mistress gave me and Little Master a big hug while there was a nice fire. Humans make nice fire.

After that we went for a great big Walkies, and it was the best Walkies ever. We talked to some people but they were all nice. I was allowed to walk everywhere and dig and poo wherever I wanted. We got in a strange car that I did not know the name for but Mistress said It’s Alright, Get In Hurry.

While I was digging, I caught a scent and that was when I found an almost dead person, a female one who smelled of blood and a little bit of Yummy Barbecue. I wasn’t allowed to eat her but everyone said I was a Good Boy and then later they were all busy so I went and dug some more in the rubble and ate more Yummy Barbecue meat and nobody stopped me, because they were too busy to open Yummy Cans for me so I Took Care Of Myself and was very Good, and I think New Master would be pleased with me. I ate too much meat and sicked it up and then ate the sick, and buried some bits for later but then we were back in It’s Alright, Get In Hurry and off on more Adventures!

Finally we reached a new Place and there was New Master and he gave me a Pat and also called me a Good Boy and there were many other people and lots of smells of fear and angry. But it was also nice because lots of people wanted hugs and I went with Little Master all around the place and everyone was pleased to see us, and there was lots of Yum Yums although no more Yummy Barbecue.

Then there was more shouting but not at me, and more Walkies and going For A Jog, and then some more loud noises and lots of hugs. And New Master came back with his Friend and they smelled of Have You Been Smoking Damnit We Talked About This, but Mistress was happy and everyone was happy.

And that’s why it was the best weekend ever.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy. https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
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7 Responses to Interlude: Boomer’s Big Weekend

  1. dreameling says:

    Brilliant. 🙂 “Yummy Barbecue.” And gross, dude.

    Did you know they’re making a sequel?

    • stchucky says:

      Haha, well done – this one was easy, may have to do more of them. And millions of people died, you can’t tell me Boomer didn’t get a piece of that action.

      I’d heard about the sequel, I can’t decide whether I’m excited or horrified. Oh, I’ll probably like it, same as I liked Crystal Skull and will like 22 Jump Street. Because I’m a cheap date.

      • dreameling says:

        Haha, well done – this one was easy, may have to do more of them.

        I totally omitted the part where I was scratching my head in trying to read the post as an account of your real-life weekend from the metaphorical point of view of Chucky-as-dog (and then just the literal one of Chucky’s-dog-that-I-didn’t-know-existed). Eventually, it got so weird and just soooooo not right, that I figured I should rethink my interpretative frame.

        Yes. I’m quite dumb.

        I’d heard about the sequel, I can’t decide whether I’m excited or horrified.

        If the teaser trailer will be as awesome as the teaser trailer of the original — it just blew my young mind when I saw it on the big screen for the first time — I’m gonna be happy.

      • stchucky says:

        I totally omitted the part where I was scratching my head in trying to read the post as an account of your real-life weekend from the metaphorical point of view of Chucky-as-dog (and then just the literal one of Chucky’s-dog-that-I-didn’t-know-existed). Eventually, it got so weird and just soooooo not right, that I figured I should rethink my interpretative frame.

        Oh the LOLZ. I love it.

  2. JonathanBloom says:

    It took me a while, but I see what you did there.

  3. aaronthepatriot says:

    Independence day 2! I had no idea this was being made! Thanks for an amusing blog entry and a heads-up!

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