Fappy Bird

I’ve tried this addictive little baby out for a few brief rounds (I’m afraid my stamina isn’t what it used to be when I was a teenager), and have come to the rather unexpected conclusion that it isn’t a horrible game.

I never played Flappy Bird, didn’t even know it existed before it was removed from circulation, although I did find an emulator online and scored a princely 2 points before saying “yeah, screw that” and closing the website. Don’t hold your breath waiting for this variation to come to Google or Apple-run phones, because they seem to be clamping down, but get your hands wrapped around this one while you can on PC. I think it’s safe to say that Fappy Bird is both easier and more enjoyable, with a drive and premise that will come naturally to the PC user, and with considerably less frustration as you burn away the hours.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s fucking challenging and it will eventually infuriate you, but there’s a learning curve and different approaches you can try. I opt for the one-handed method myself, which gives me a chance to hit the print screen button if it looks like I’m approaching a crisis. Just for posterity, you know. I roll that way. Sentimental.

You can also go for the two-handed approach, or alternate hands as you grow weary and begin to lose coordination and focus. One technique involves keeping the bird up for as prolonged a period as possible, soaring high above the enemies – due to his tendency to dip at the slightest provocation, however, this can be a risky venture and in order to maintain his full altitude for prolonged fly-overs, you need to maintain a breakneck key-pressing pace that would probably prove difficult to sustain for the duration – particularly so for the older gamers among you. Then comes descent, and humiliation. Better to sink on your own terms, and regain your wind as you bob and weave among the obstacles, until you’re ready to give it another try.

The enemies to fapdom come thick and fast, occasionally just plain impossible to avoid with such a limited range of movement options. Up and down, that’s about all you can do, and your best bet is to master just what those directions will do to your sideways momentum as regards the obstacles in your path.

I can't fap to this.

You really can’t.

I haven’t come to a noticeable end to the floating heads yet, let alone a level-end or change in the layout, although the point-scoring seems to slow and stop – or at least pause – in its series as you approach 20, so there might be something there. I haven’t seen any power-ups or any sort of shift in gears. But like I say, this is very early days.

What Fappy Bird is showing me, however, is that the game works, and it’s fun, and I will certainly be watching – with squinting eyes and tightly-pursed lips – for the next game to burst onto our screens from this design team.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy. https://hatboy.blog/2013/12/17/metalude-who-are-creepy-and-hatboy/
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4 Responses to Fappy Bird

  1. JonathanBloom says:

    I’m really glad that you’ve enjoyed it. I’m working on a longer post about all the problems that I’ve got with the game and things that I learned from making it, which’ll hopefully be of some insight and use for myself later when the next game is deep into development.

    It’s great that you discovered the fapping above everything tactic, which in my original idea would have been a valid playing method – but with a downside that if you fapped too hard, the bird would explode, thus forcing the player to time their faps just so. But, alas, my coding skills aren’t quite good enough.

    But with everything that we learned here and everything that we’re putting into the next one, I’m pretty certain that it will be a far better product. Not even close to professional, but better.

    • aaronthepatriot says:

      Jonathan, you made this game? I will definitely give it a go when I’m back from the client site! LOL

      • stchucky says:

        I’ll answer for Mr. Bloom since he may not be tracking comments here. Yes, he made it, together with his esteemed colleague and flatmate. And it’s definitely a bit of harmless fun, worth downloading.

        My antivirus software gave me a lot of grief about it, since downloading and running strange brand-new .exes (I think I was pretty much F1rst on the downloads, at least as far as other user-reviews or comments were concerned, so the antivirus saw it as a completely foreign application) from random links is pretty much exactly what you’re never supposed to do, ever.

        But in this case, I think it’s pretty safe and if it’s not, I know where Mr. Bloom and his esteemed colleague and flatmate live.

    • stchucky says:

      I’m working on a longer post about all the problems that I’ve got with the game and things that I learned from making it, which’ll hopefully be of some insight and use for myself later when the next game is deep into development.

      Cool, looking forward to seeing that too.

      It’s great that you discovered the fapping above everything tactic, which in my original idea would have been a valid playing method – but with a downside that if you fapped too hard, the bird would explode, thus forcing the player to time their faps just so. But, alas, my coding skills aren’t quite good enough.

      Well, in my experience the between-fap dips were just enough to make this risky, unless you use a really frantic pace and that is just physically not sustainable for long, at least without training. So, same basic effect but dependent more on the player than on the code. Which is a method all of its own, in my opinion.

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