The Grammar Nazi

Yes, I am a Grammar Nazi. But I’m the classic, the lovable, the Geering-in-‘Allo-‘Allo Grammar Nazi, only maybe not quite so corrupt. The workaday slob who’s just doing his job, following the rules, doing what he truly believes is right, trying to improve the Grammatical Master Race.

(I am not, at any point, doing anything but making a hopefully-entertaining analogy here. Nazis and the Holocaust were Bad. I’d hope that would go without saying, but this is the Internet.)

I understand that my way is not the only way, that it is by no means the only interpretation or worldview or way forward for humanity. I know it is often hated and feared, that it can stand in the way of progress and change as easily as it stands for it, and that I will one day be held accountable for my deeds.

I’m the Grammar Nazi who turns a blind eye to the harmless syntax gypsies, the friendly spelling blacks and the typo gays who never did anything to deserve my hatred. I’m the guy who theatrically turns his back and allows them to escape to a better life out of the reach of my kind. If I found a little punctuation Jew hiding in an attic, I’d make sure she had a couple of air-holes and a sandwich. There is a place, in the Grammar world, for all of these people. Diversity is strength – provided people can just get certain things right in certain contexts.

Beware, though, the Grammar Hitler.

The Grammar Hitler is an obsessive, inflexible, mindless, psychotic sociopath who gives the entire lot of us a bad name. He doesn’t care about improving the world or helping people. Context, nuance and tone mean nothing to him. He has a compulsion, an agenda, and is ultimately as great an enemy of the Grammar Nazi as the Illiteracy Russian or the Slang Tommy or the Who The Fuck Cares Where The Apostrophe Goes American.

He listens to Grammar Astrologers and he’s basically a Goddamned froot loop. His crazy plans aren’t going to improve things, they’re going to get us all killed and set us back years. He’s better off putting a grammar bullet in his own head.


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2 Responses to The Grammar Nazi

  1. aaronthepatriot says:

    Hey I resemble that second categorization. And I resent it too. Goes without saying I guess. If nothing else, Hitler was a resentful dude.

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