Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

I guess everybody’s talking about that stupid Star Wars movie, so I figured I might as well do the same. Bit of a slow day. Plus, a lot of my fellow net nerds seem to be bitching about the film, and if I don’t put my opinion somewhere, I suppose it will never see the light of day because I am such a shy and retiring sort of fellow.

The movie was okay. If you go in expecting nothing, and remember how bad Episode 2 was, it was really okay. There were actually some really cool moments, like the obligatory more-complicated-than-last-film lightsaber fights and the pretty special effects. This is what I like to call the BST factor. Bright Shiny Things make a movie worth going to see. Let’s face it, you don’t really go for the brilliant imaginative dialogue, because you can get that in a book. You don’t go for any really clever reason, and I don’t care how pretentious you are. You go for the BSTs and the popcorn and to say, "I was there," or, more accurately, "I can’t believe I spent seven euros on that piece of shite."

Currency may vary.

There were some quite powerful scenes (apologies for minor spoilers), such as the fall of the Jedi across the Galaxy and the Nasty Thing What Happened To Anakin, and the ending was really quite nice.

The funny thing is, all the good scenes take place when Hayden Whatsisface isn’t talking. Can you just imagine that? My God, that’s some of the worst delivery I’ve ever seen. And it wasn’t made any better by the fact that it was the worst script in the universe, either. I mean, they could have taken out all the dialogue, and been left with a better movie.

Janica and I were discussing it on the way home. How many lines can you remember from the new movies? "Meesa sorry"? "Begun, this clone war is"? How does this measure up against glittering repartee like "would it help if I got out and pushed?", "short help’s better than no help", "I thought they smelled bad on the outside" and of course the classic, "let the wookiee win."?

What happened? Did they shoot the previous scriptwriter? It was Lucas all along, wasn’t it? What did he do? How did this happen?

Ewan MacGregor was obviously trying to engage in sparkling repartee with Hayden, but Hayden was not having it. The best and most emotional lines were MacGregor’s by default (and he did get a few), because Hayden managed to make all the most momentous character-changing events of Anakin Skywalker’s fall from grace about as earth-shattering as taking out a library book. "I shouldn’t have killed him when he was defenceless, that was not the Jedi way." "I want to kill you, you are a Sith Lord."


It might have been okay if his emotionless deadpan was a way of protraying a lack of feeling, a death within that symbolised his becoming the merciless Darth Vader … but that was clearly not what was happening. He was clearly meant to be feeling a lot of complicated emotion, but couldn’t manage to show it. Actual proper actors like MacGregor and Samuel L Jackson were left with very little to do.

I could waffle on for several hours, but I have this thing to do. Project or something.

I have one more thing to say about movies. "The War of the Worlds" is coming. I want to see it. It will probably be a giant crock of poo with Tom Cruise on top, but it doesn’t matter. I still want to see it. I hope it has some music from the classic musical version of the story, even if it’s a techno remix I won’t care. I’m not hopeful, but it would be nice. It would be nice if at least one of these big-budget remakes of cherished childhood sci-fi favourites managed to live up to expectations. Apparently "The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy" is pretty good, but we’ll see. I spent the developmental years of my early childhood listening to that "War of the Worlds" album. I hope it’s good.

Am I wrong to trust to hope? Has it abandoned these lands?

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2 Responses to Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

  1. Pingback: Fan vs. Canon | Hatboy's Hatstand

  2. Pingback: Interlude: Rogue One, Part One | Hatboy's Hatstand

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