Yes, the First of May has been and gone. I didn’t get the t-shirt, but I got a t-shirt, and that’s the important thing. I got the t-shirt from a cousin-in-law who has just been to New York, and the t-shirt says "I  N Y", but that’s not important. The important thing is, I won’t be wearing it in public.

But this isn’t about my t-shirt. This is about Vappu. A day of merriment and frivolity. A day of drinking heavily the night before and regretting it the morning after.

I spent my Vappu being an unpaid ambulance driver. Somebody, who will remain nameless, fell down and broke their ankle, and had to be driven around. Somebody else, who will also remain nameless, took the opportunity to vomit everywhere and fall asleep in the bathroom. Neither person was me, I’m sorry to say. But I got into the spirit of things.

I had to, because if I remained sober, I would have had to drive more. So I broke into my father-in-law’s liquor cabinet, and drank his vodka. I’m not proud of it.

I only finished half the bottle.

About Hatboy

I’m not often driven to introspection or reflection, but the question does come up sometimes. The big question. So big, there’s just no containing it within the puny boundaries of a single set of punctuationary bookends. Who are these mysterious and unsung heroes of obscurity and shadow? What is their origin story? Do they have a prequel trilogy? What are their secret identities? What are their public identities, for that matter? What are their powers? Their abilities? Their haunted pasts and troubled futures? Their modus operandi? Where do they live anyway, and when? What do they do for a living? Do they really have these fantastical adventures, or is it a dazzlingly intellectual and overwrought metaphor? Or is it perhaps a smug and post-modern sort of metaphor? Is it a plain stupid metaphor, hedged around with thick wads of plausible deniability, a soap bubble of illusory plot dependent upon readers who don’t dare question it for fear of looking foolish? A flight of fancy, having dozed off in front of the television during an episode of something suitably spaceship-oriented? Do they have a quest, a handler, a mission statement, a department-level development objective in five stages? I am Hatboy.
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1 Response to Vappu!

  1. Pingback: Ulkomaansplaining: Sima | Hatboy's Hatstand

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